Dieter Von Cunth: You punch like a little girl.
MacGruber: Well, you're gonna walk around like a little girl. 'Cause after I disarm this nuke, I'm gonna cut off your dick and.
Dieter Von Cunth: Shove it in my mouth. You're like a broken record.
MacGruber: The only record I'm gonna break is the "amount of your own dick in your mouth" record.
Kent: Uh, I'll catch up with you guys. I have to go to the bathroom.
Chris Knight: Okay, Kent, but I don't think that's going to help your confidence any, do you?
Chris Knight: You see Mitch, I used to be you. And lately I've been missing me so I asked Dr. Hathaway if I could room with me again and he said sure.
Professor Hathaway: When you first started at Pacific Tech you were well on your way to becoming another Einstein and then you know what happened?
Chris Knight: I got a haircut?
Lazlo Hollyfeld: Well, how'd you do?
Chris Knight: How'd I do? I passed! But I failed! Yeah.
Lazlo Hollyfeld: Well, then I'm happy and sad for you.
Kent: And I suppose you're in on this too. Did you make this stuff?
'Ick' Ikagami: I'm not saying.
Kent: Well who's gonna clean it up?
'Ick' Ikagami: You won't have to. It's gonna go from solid form directly to gas.
Kent: Whoa! Really? What is it?
'Ick' Ikagami: I'm not sayin', but I can tell you it's fairly rare and very unstable.
Chris Knight: Just like you.
Chris Knight: Okay Mitch, I'm gonna make it up to you. Let's just pause, put that down. Let's just take a step back. No, I was wrong, I'm sorry, take a step forward. Now, take a step back. Step forward. Back. And then we're cha-cha-ing.
Mitch: Will you stop it? I'm serious.
Chris Knight: Okay, I'm serious too.
Chris Knight: This? This is ice. This is what happens to water when it gets too cold. This? This is Kent. This is what happens to people when they get too sexually frustrated.
Dr. Dodd: Why is that toy on your head?
Chris Knight: Because if I wear it any place else, it chafes.
Chris Knight: Would you prepared if gravity reversed itself? The only thing I can't figure out is how to keep the change in my pockets. I've got it. Nudity.
Chris Knight: Oh, Kent, that is so unfair! And we were going to make you King of the Winter Carnival.