Violet Beauregarde: Are they real people?
Willy Wonka: Of course they're real people. They're Oompa Loompas. Straight from Loompaland.
Mr. Teavee: There's no such place.
Willy Wonka: Excuse me?
Mr. Teavee: Mr Wonka, I teach high school geography.
Willy Wonka: Well, then, you'll know all about it and what a terrible place it is.
Mr. Teevee: So can you send other things? Say, like, breakfast cereal?
Willy Wonka: Do you have any idea what breakfast cereal's made of? It's those little curly wooden shavings you find in pencil sharpeners.
Charlie: But could you send it by TV if you wanted to?
Willy Wonka: Of course I could.
Mike Teevee: What about people?
Willy Wonka: Well, why would I wanna send a person? They don't taste very good at all.
Mike Teavee: You don't understand anything about science. First off, there's a difference between waves and particles... DUH! Second, the amount of power it would take to convert energy into matter would be like nine atomic bombs.
Willy Wonka: MUMBLER! Seriously, I cannot understand a word you're saying!
Mike Teavee: Who wants a beard?
Willy Wonka: Well, beatnicks for one; folk singers and motorbike riders. You know, all those hip, jazzy, super-cool, neat, keen, and groovy cats. It's in the fridge daddy-o. Are you hep to the jive? Can you dig what I'm layin' down? I knew that you could. Slide me some skin soul brother.
Willy Wonka: [hiding behind a newspaper while Charlie shines his shoes.] Too bad about that chocolate guy. Walter... Er, Waldo...
Charlie Bucket: Willy Wonka.
Willy Wonka: Right, him. Did you ever meet him?
Charlie Bucket: I met him. I thought he was great at first. Then he didn't turn out that nice. And he has a funny haircut.
Willy Wonka: [throwing the newspaper down.] I do not!
Willy Wonka: [while passing over Oompa Loompahs shaving pink sheep.] I don't want to talk about that one.
Allison: Oh, Crybaby, your fingers feel so good.
Cry-Baby: I've been saving it up for a girl like you.
Cry-Baby: I can sing pretty good.
Mrs. Vernon-Williams, Allison's Grandmother: 'Well, ' not 'good.' Haven't you ever heard of the English language?
Angelique Bouchard: I'm going to make an offer to you, Barnabas. My last. You can join me by my side and we can run Collinsport together as partners, and lovers... Or I'll put you back in the box.
Barnabas Collins: I have already prepared my counter-proposal. It reads thusly: You may strategically place your wonderful lips upon my posterior and kiss it repeatedly!
Barnabas Collins: Tell me, what do you know of Barnabas Collins?
Elizabeth Collins Stoddard: Just legends, really. Two centuries ago, a witch turned him into a vampire and locked him away.
Barnabas Collins: What is known of his death?
Elizabeth Collins Stoddard: Nothing.
Barnabas Collins: That, madam, is because he never died.
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