Some Idiot: These are your penises? Andy, I can't work with this.
Capt. Howard: I've got so much brass up my ass that I can play the Star Spangled Banner.
Capt. Howard: 22 cars and a boat, totalled? How did hell you sink a boat?
Caesar: I'm a dead man, Johnnie? I'm a fucking dead man? Guess again, Johnnie. Who's the dead man? Who? Who's dead, fuckface? Who? Who? I can't hear you, Johnnie. Guess again. Take another guess, Johnnie. Take another fucking guess.
Cypher: Why, oh why, didn't I take the BLUE pill?
Cypher: You know, I know this steak doesn't exist. I know that when I put it in my mouth, the Matrix is telling my brain that it is juicy, and delicious. After nine years, you know what I realise? Ignorance is bliss.
Teddy: You're not a killer. That's why you're so good at it.
Teddy: You know, I've had more rewarding friendships than this one. Although I do get to keep telling the same jokes.
Teddy: So you lie to yourself to be happy. There's nothing wrong with that. We all do it.
Joel Goodson: You listen to me, buster. You, you a-hole.
Joel Goodson: I want my stuff back right now.
Guido: Now you listen to me, you little fuck. Not only you take my two best girls, you call me names. If I didn't have any self-respect, it wouldn't just be the furniture, it'd be your arms, your legs, your head.
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