Kelly Cooper: If you hadn't left the battery out of my car all night Dick van Dyke wouldn't be mad at me Chim Chimminy wants to kill me. Can you imagine?
Gray: I love natural disasters. I want people to die in them. I am genuinely disappointed when the death toll is low.
Maureen Monette: I'm really, really so sorry about all this. You could've just loved him, and missed him, and never known.
Gray: Him. Never known him. You know I just remembered something recently. About a year ago he and I spent a day on the river. He fished and I read. It was one of those perfect days. We were on our way home and he said he had something to tell me. I said "Is it going to make me happier or less happy?" He said "Less happy." I said... "Then don't tell me."
Gray: My girlfriends and I used to have a rule that we wouldn't sleep with a guy until we knew his mother's maiden name.