Melvin Udall: I might be the only person on the face of the earth that knows you're the greatest woman on earth. I might be the only one who appreciates how amazing you are in every single thing that you do, and how you are with Spencer, "Spence, " and in every single thought that you have, and how you say what you mean, and how you almost always mean something that's all about being straight and good. I think most people miss that about you, and I watch them, wondering how they can watch you bring their food, and clear their tables and never get that they just met the greatest woman alive. And the fact that I get it makes me feel good, about me.
Melvin: Or, if it's election night, and you're excited and you wanna celebrate because some fudgepacker you date has been elected the first queer president of the United States, and he's going to have you down to Camp David, and you want someone to share the moment with. Even then, don't knock. Not on this door. Not for any reason. Do you get me sweetheart?
Melvin: Never, never interrupt me, okay? Not if there is a fire, not even if you hear the sound of a thud from my home and one week later there's a smell coming from there that can only be a decaying human body and you have to hold a hankie to your face because the stench is so thick that you think you're going to faint. Even then, don't come knocking.
Carl Grissom: That you, sugar bumps?
[Grissom turns around and sees a shadowy figure.]
Carl Grissom: Who the hell are you?
The Joker: It's me... Sugar bumps.
Carl Grissom: Jack? Oh. Oh. Thank god you're alive. I've heard you've been...
The Joker: Fried? Is that what you heard?
[Joker takes a few steps towards Grissom, then stops.]
The Joker: You set me up over a woman. A WOMAN! You must be insane.
[Grissom takes a drink from his glass. He then walks to his desk to pour another drink and get his gun. The Joker pulls out a gun and points it at Grissom.]
The Joker: Don't bother.
[Grissom puts down the container of alcohol and leaves the gun where it is. He then turns angrily to the Joker.]
Carl Grissom: Your life won't be worth spit!
The Joker: I've been dead once already. It's very liberating. You should think of it as, uh...therapy.
Carl Grissom: Jack...listen...maybe we can cut a deal.
[The Joker starts walking into the light and removes his hat.]
The Joker: Jack? Jack is dead, my friend. You can call me...Joker. And as you can see, I'm a lot happier.
Batman: I'm going to kill you!
The Joker: You IDIOT! You made me. Remember, you dropped me into that vat of chemicals. That wasn't easy to get over, and don't think that I didn't try!
Batman: I know you did [punches him]. You killed my parents.
The Joker: What? What? What are you talking about?
Batman: I made you, you made me first.
The Joker: Give me a break. I was a kid when I killed your parents. When I say "I made you" you gotta say "you made me." How childish can you get?
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