Quotes from Matthew Perry movies and TV shows

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Below are some quotes involving Matthew Perry - click the title to view the complete list. If you think their finest moments are missing from the full list, please submit them.

The One With The 'Cuffs - S4-E3

Joanna: What are you doing?
Chandler: I'm getting dressed.
Joanna: Why?
Chandler: Because when I go outside naked, people throw garbage at me.

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Kathy: So, what did you do today?
Chandler: Well, I had an appointment to get my hair cut...
Kathy: Oh, it looks great!
Chandler: ...and then it got cancelled.

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The One Where the Monkey Gets Away - S1-E19

Chandler: She obviously got my message. And is choosing not to call me. Now I'm needy and snubbed. God, I miss just being needy.

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The One With Ross's Teeth - S6-E8

Monica: What happened to your teeth?
Ross: I whitened them.
Chandler: Really?
Ross: Yeah, what... What do you think?
Monica: Well, uh, I think I shouldn't look directly at them.
Ross: Come on, seriously.
Monica: Ross, they're really, really, really white!
Chandler: Yeah, what was wrong with your old... Human teeth?
Ross: Well, I did leave the gel on a little longer than it said to.
Monica: How much longer?
Ross: Uh, uh... A day.
Monica: Ross, you know that tonight is your date with Hillary?
Ross: I know! That's why I did it! Come on, are they really that bad?
Chandler: No. No, no, no, you'll be fine. Hilary's blind, right?
Monica: She will be after tonight.

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Rachel: You idiot!
Chandler: I'm sure you're right, but why?

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Chandler: If I were a guy, and...did I just say IF I were a guy?

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The One With The Girl From Poughkeepsie - S4-E10

Rachel: No accountants. Oh, and no one from, like, "legal." I don't like guys with boring jobs.
Chandler: Oh, and Ross was like what, a lion tamer?

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Chandler: Sometimes I wish I were a lesbian.
[Everyone stares at him.]
Chandler: Did I just say that out loud?

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Joey: You don't know what it's like to put yourself out there like that and just get shot down.
Chandler: I don't know what that's like? Up until I was 25, I thought the only response to "I love you" was "Oh, crap."

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The One With Frank, Jr. - S3-E5

[After Joey's just drilled through a wall very close to Chandler's head, Chandler runs into the living room.]
Joey: Oh, did I get you?
Chandler: No, you didn't get me! It's an electric drill! You get me, you kill me!

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The One With The Prom Video - S2-E14

[After Chandler's just mocked Monica for being fat in an old home movie.]
Monica: Shut up, the camera adds 10 pounds!
Chandler: So how many cameras are actually on you?

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The One With The Jam - S3-E3

Chandler: You have to stop the Q-Tip when there's resistance!

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The One Where Old Yeller Dies - S2-E20

Monica: All right, I've got a leg,3 breasts and a wing.
Chandler: How do you find clothes that fit?

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The One With the Baby on the Bus - S2-E6

Joey: Ducks is heads, because ducks have heads.
Chandler: What kind of scary-ass clowns came to your birthday?

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The One With The Screamer - S3-E22

Monica: Who's number two?
Chandler: 'Whose number two' - one of the more difficult games sewer workers play.

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The One with All the Poker - S1-E18

Rachel: You guys, guess what guess what guess what?
Chandler: What, the fifth dentist caved and now they're all recommending trident?

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The One After the Superbowl, part 2 - S2-E13

Chandler: Stick a fork in me, I'm done.
Phoebe: Stick a fork what?
Chandler: You know, like when you're cooking a steak.
Phoebe: Oh, I don't eat meat.
Chandler: Well how do you tell when vegetables are done?
Phoebe: Well you just, you know, you eat them and you can tell.
Chandler: Okay, then eat me, I'm done.

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The One Where Heckles Dies - S2-E3

Rachel: Hey, Chandler. Monica just broke my seashell lamp.
Chandler: Neat. I'm gonna die alone!
Rachel: Okay, you win.

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Rachel Green: Oh my God, I'm Kip.
Joey Tribianni: You're not Kip.
Rachel Green: Do you even know who Kip is?
Joey Tribianni: Who cares? You're Rachel. Who's Kip?
Chandler Bing: Kip was my old roommate.
Joey Tribianni: Oh, THAT poor bastard.

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The One with All the Poker - S1-E18

Rachel: So basically you get your ya-yas from taking money from all of your friends?
Ross: Yeah.
Chandler: Yes, and I get my ya-yas from Ikea. You have to put them together yourself, but they cost a little less, so.

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