Bagger Vance: Yep... Inside each and every one of us is one true authentic swing... Somethin' we was born with... Somethin' that's ours and ours alone... Somethin' that can't be taught to ya or learned... Somethin' that got to be remembered... Over time the world can, rob us of that swing... It get buried inside us under all our wouldas and couldas and shouldas... Some folk even forget what their swing was like.
Bagger Vance: You wanna quit Mr. Junuh? You know you can just go ahead and creep off somewhere I'll tell folk you took sick... Truth be told, ain't nobody gonna really object... In fact, they'd probably be happy as bugs in a bake shop to see you pack up and go home.
Rannulph Junuh: You know I can't quit.
Bagger Vance: I know... Just makin sure you know it too.
J: All right, I'm in. 'Cause, look, there's some next-level shit going on around here, and I'm with that. But, before y'all get to beaming me up, there's a couple things I want you to understand. First off, you chose me. So you recognize the skills. And I don't want nobody calling me "Son", or "Kid", or "Sport", or nothing like that, cool?
K: Cool, whatever you say, Slick, but I need to tell you something about all your skills. As of right now, they mean precisely dick.
Agent Jay: Could I have your attention, please? [Neuralyzes the crowd.] Thank you for participating in our drill. Had this been an actual emergency, y'all would have been *eaten*. 'Cause you don't listen! You're ignorant! How's a man gonna come crashin' through the back of a subway win - that's the problem with all y'all New Yorkers!"Oh no, we've seen it all!" "Oh no, a 600 foot worm, save us Mr. Black man!" I ask you nicely to move forward to the next car, y'all just sit there like... [Neuralyzes the crowd again.] The City of New York would like to thank you for participating in our drill. Hopefully you enjoyed our smaller, more energy-efficient subway cars. Watch your step, you all have a nice evening.
Agent Jay: Am I supposed to take advice on love from a dude that chases his own ass?
Frank the Pug: Easy pal... That's canine profiling, and I resent it.
Newton: Yes, gentlemen before I play the tape, one question, what's up with anal probing? I mean, aliens travel billions of light years just to check out our...
Agent J: Boy. Move!
Cop 1: Well, look at this. Power windows, power seats. I bet you the thing cost 6 grand.
Agent J: Ah, yes, and it has a roof, but it's hidden.
Cop 2: Hey, what kind of work do you do? An individual of your... Particular ethic persuasion?
Agent J: Mmm...
Cop 1: Maybe he's a noted athlete.
Agent J: Mmmm! Yes. Starting forward for the Detroit Darkies.
Cop 1: Where'd you get the car?
Cop 2: And the suit?
Agent J: I stole them both. Uh, car from your wife, suit from your grandmother.
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