Quotes from Adam Sandler movies and TV shows

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Below are some quotes involving Adam Sandler - click the title to view the complete list. If you think their finest moments are missing from the full list, please submit them.

High School Principal: Mr. Madison, what you've just said, is one of the most insanely idiotic things I have ever heard. At no point in your rambling, incoherent response, were you even close to anything that could be considered a rational thought. Everyone in this room is now dumber for having listen to it. I award you no points, and may God have mercy on your soul.
Billy Madison: Ok, a simple "wrong" would have done just fine.

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Archie Moses: This is a '70s porno. You know how I can tell? Because the guy's dick has sideburns.

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Dr. Lars: It's too early to know who's winning the fight: the medicine or the disease.
George Simmons: Did anybody ever tell you, you have a very scary accent?
Dr. Lars: You are a very funny man. I enjoy your movies.
George Simmons: And I enjoy all of your movies.
Dr. Lars: Which movies?
George Simmons: The ones where you try to kill Bruce Willis.

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George Simmons: So, Ira Wright? That's not your real name. You're hiding some Judaism.
Ira Wright: I don't think I can hide that. My face is circumcised.

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George Simmons: Is your act just designed to make sure no girl will ever sleep with you?

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George Simmons: Are you mad that you died at the end of Die Hard?

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George Simmons: I'm surprised nothing happened with you and that girl.
Ira Wright: She told me she had a boyfriend.
George Simmons: She told me the same thing, when she was sucking my cock.

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Lenny Feder: Higgy!
Marcus Higgins: Hey, what's up, Lenny? Buddy, I thought you were gonna start working out.
Lenny Feder: What does that mean?
Marcus Higgins: Um... You're fat.
Lenny Feder: No!

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Lenny Feder: We needed to be here. Our kids were turning into little brats.

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Happy Gilmore: I'm stupid. You're smart. I was wrong. You were right. You're the best. I'm the worst. You're very good-looking. I'm not attractive.

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Shooter McGavin: I eat pieces of shit like you for breakfast.
Happy Gilmore: You eat pieces of shit for breakfast?

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Grandma: How's that nice girlfriend of yours?
Happy Gilmore: Oh, she got hit by a car. She's dead.

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Terry: All you ever talk about is becoming a pro hockey player, but there's a problem: you're not any good.
Happy Gilmore: I am good. You know what, you're a lousy kindergarten teacher. I've seen those finger-paintings you bring home and they SUCK.

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Shooter McGavin: Stay out of my way, or you'll pay. Listen to what I say.
Happy Gilmore: Yeah, why don't I go eat some hay. I can make things out of clay, or lay by the bay, I just may. Whaddya say?

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Happy Gilmore: Hey, if I saw myself in clothes like that, I'd have to kick my own ass.

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Chubbs: They said I would be the next Arnold Palmer.
Happy: So what happened?
Chubbs: They wouldn't let me on the pro tour anymore.
Happy: Oh I'm sorry, because you're black?
Chubbs: Hell no. Damn alligator bit my hand off!
Happy: Oh my God!

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Virginia: What's this I hear about you breaking a rake and throwing it in the woods?
Happy Gilmore: What? I didn't *break* it, I was just testing its durability, and then I *placed* it in the woods because it's made of wood and I just thought he should be with his family.

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Happy Gilmore: Looks like a slight hill. Whaddya think?
Otto: And a slant to the left.
Happy Gilmore: Nah, it looks that way cause you've only got one shoe on.

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Chubbs: It's all in the hips. It's all in the hips. It's all in the hips. It's all in the hips.
Happy Gilmore: Get off me!
Chubbs: Just easin' the tension, baby. Just easin' the tension!
Happy Gilmore: Yeah, well ease it on someone else.

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Happy Gilmore: The price is wrong, bitch.

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