Quotes from J.K. Simmons movies and TV shows

Ray King: I was old ten years ago.

Ray King: Say you're the head of the Sinaloa Cartel. Now the cartels count their money by weighing it in eighteen wheelers. But one sunny Mexican day, your in-house money scrubber comes to you and says you're 30 million light. Who can you trust to do the forensic accounting to track your stolen cash? Deloitte and Touche? H and R Block?

Ray King: I spent my whole life only recognizing my lucky breaks after they were gone.

More The Accountant quotes

Brenda Leigh Johnson: Do I look hurt to you, Will?
Asst. Police Chief Will Pope: No. Unless I'm mistaken, that's your angry face.

Brenda Leigh Johnson: Are you trying to encourage me or make me nervous?
Asst. Police Chief Will Pope: I'm just trying to figure out why you're so damn confident you can get this woman to help you.
Brenda Leigh Johnson: Well, because, Will, I know a little something about admiring the boss and finding out he's not the guy you thought he was.

More The Closer quotes

Daniel Barrett: How do you know all these?
Edwin Pollard: You are not alone in this.

Lacy Barrett: Why are the grays, or whatever they are, so interested in us? What makes us so special?
Edwin Pollard: Nothing. There's nothing special about you. I'm sorry. You were hoping for a different answer. But this is beyond our comprehension.

Edwin Pollard: People think of aliens as these beings invading our planet in some great cataclysm, destroying monuments, stealing our natural resources. But it's not like that at all. The invasion already happened.

More Dark Skies quotes
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Witherspoon: Look, we know that certain gang elements in this prison want you dead.
Declan Mulqueen: The entire government wants me dead, mister. Yet here I am!
Witherspoon: Alright, smart-ass, let's cut the bullshit. (00:25:35)

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Valentina Koslova: Come out!
Witherspoon: Please don't shoot me. Just taking out the garbage. (01:22:05)

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More The Jackal quotes

Mac MacGuff: Whats that thing?
Vanessa Loring: It's a pilates machine.
Mac MacGuff: What do you make with it?
Vanessa Loring: Oh you don't make anything with it, its for exercise.

Mac MacGuff: Did you see that coming?
Bren MacGuff: Yeah... But I was hoping she was expelled, or into hard drugs.
Mac MacGuff: Or DWI... Anything but this.

Mac MacGuff: Next time I see that Bleeker kid I'm going to punch him in the wiener.

Mac MacGuff: Thanks for having me and my irresponsible child over your house.

Vanessa Loring: So... How are we going to do this?
Juno MacGuff: Uh, aren't I just gonna, ya know, squeeze it out and, hand it over to you?
Gerta Rauss: Mark and Vanessa are willing to negotiate an open adoption...
Mac MacGuff: What do you mean?
Juno MacGuff: Wait... No! I mean, can't we just, like, kick this old school? Like, I have the baby, put it in a basket and send it your way, like, Moses and the reeds?
Mark Loring: Technically, that would be kicking it Old Testament.
Gerta Rauss: ...So, we all agree that a closed adoption is the best decision for all involved?
Juno MacGuff: SSHHIT! YES! Close it up!

Mac MacGuff: You don't even remember to give Liberty Bell her breathing meds!
Juno MacGuff: That was one time! And she did not die if you recall.

More Juno quotes

And the Winner Is... - S1-E6

Lin Beifong: I can't believe your sweet-tempered father was reincarnated into that girl. She's tough as nails.
Tenzin: Reminds me of someone else I knew at that age. You two might get along if you give her a chance.

Friso94

And the Winner Is... - S1-E6

Korra: So, Pema stole you from Beifong. I'm surprised our esteemed Chief of Police didn't throw her in jail.
Tenzin: Oh, she tried.

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More The Legend of Korra quotes

Fletcher: There are no two words in the English language more harmful than "good job."

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More Whiplash quotes

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