Quotes from Martin Lawrence movies and TV shows - page 2 of 3

Claude Banks: You know what you probably just slow me down.
Rayford Gibson: How I'ma slow yo slow ass down.

Dexter Wilkins: You've been on this farm for quite a spell, haven't you?
Claude Banks: Over 40 years now, me and Ray Gibson over there.
Dexter Wilkins: 40 years... that's a long time for any crime, even murder.
Claude Banks: It's a hell of a lot longer when you're innocent.
Dexter Wilkins: Half the men in this prison swear they're innocent, Claude. Don't you think that's kind of funny?
Claude Banks: Well, you have to forgive me if I don't laugh.

Claude Banks: Oh yard boy Mrs. Myrtle could use some attention perhaps some fertilizer would restore its exuberance. Get yo ass to work.

Claude Banks: I hope your ass piss the bed with that weak-ass bladder of yours.
Rayford Gibson: If I do, then I'll put the sheets on you.

More Life quotes

Instructor: Impressive shooting, Montgomery. You realize though, that you missed the target in the middle?
Earl Montgomery: Who, the brother? Oh I wasn't shooting at him.
Instructor: Mind telling me why not?
Earl Montgomery: He don't look suspicious, to me. Look at'em. One lone brother, surrounded by four white guys with guns? The man is terrified. What you want him to do, tap dance? Don't worry brother, I got you. Don't be afraid to dial 911. I keeps it clean, when Earl Montgomery's on the scene. What the problem is?

Lawyer: So Mr. Montgomery, are you claiming there was no bumblebee present at the time of the incident?
Earl Montgomery: No, I'm not. There was a bumblebee present, man.
Lawyer: Oh, good.
Earl Montgomery: And there were birds chirpin'. There were dogs barkin'. Hell, for all I know, there was a chipmunk in the bushes, humping a turtle! You know you gotta be careful with them chipmunks. They'll hump anything!

Hank Rafferty: Look! I am trying to remain calm... Because I know that if I hit you, I will never see the light of day again. Which right now seems almost worth it. SO DON'T PUSH IT!
Earl Montgomery: You threatening me?
Hank Rafferty: Yeah! Yeah, I'm threatening ya!

Hank Rafferty: What the hell are you doing here!?
Earl Montgomery: I work here! What the hell are you doing here!?
Hank Rafferty: You little punk, I spent six months in prison because of you!
Earl Montgomery: Six months? That's all they gave you, six months!?

Hank Rafferty: This has nothing to do with you! It's personal!
Earl Montgomery: Damn right it's personal. White boy back there called me 'monkey'. Drive!

Earl Montgomery: Listen, man. Now I've been waiting my whole life for shit like this to go down. So if you're gona shoot me, shoot me. Cause that's the only way I'm getting out of this car.

Earl Montgomery: Ah I see how this works. The system can't tolerate a black man with superior police skills, huh? It's the future of law enforcement, and it scares you... Because you'll be out of work! Right? Look, I remember when the NBA was all white. That's all right, that's all right. I'm fine, I'm cool. Because y'all losing somebody good, though! I'm a virtual, one man, Kung-Fu S.W.A.T. Team! Dah! Yawh! That's all right. I got skills!. YOU BITCHES!

Hank Rafferty: Need some help?
Earl Montgomery: You asking me if I need some help, or if... If I'm stealing this car?
Hank Rafferty: Okay, fine. Are you stealing this car?
Earl Montgomery: Does it look like I'm stealing this damn car?
Hank Rafferty: Little bit.
Earl Montgomery: Why? Because I'm black? White man has his hand in the car, you probably give him a Good Samaritan award, huh? Figure he's just going around turning off people's lights.

Hank Rafferty: You're in dangerous grounds here, bub. I'd be real careful what comes out of your mouth next.
Earl Montgomery: Oh, you wanna hear what comes out of my mouth next? You're... A...fucking...pig!

Hank Rafferty: You're under arrest.
Earl Montgomery: Oh, no. I ain't under arrest. You're under arrest. I'm arresting your ass! Citizen's arrest. You're under arrest for illegal false arrest!

Earl Montgomery: Who's the Planet of the Apes looking lady in the dress?
Detective Frank McDuff: That's my father.
Earl Montgomery: Handsome man.

Earl Montgomery: I know the score. It's not the first time I've been pulled over for DWB.
Lawyer: DWB?
Earl Montgomery: Driving While Black.
Lawyer: Move to strike!
Earl Montgomery: Kiss my ass!

Lola: The lights went out, and I couldn't find the switch. So I was filing in the dark. That's why I called you here.
Earl Montgomery: Lola... Filing in the dark is a serious offence. You're in a lot of trouble.

Lola: Are you gona strip search me?
Earl Montgomery: No... I'm gona put on some music. You gonna strip search yourself.

Nash: Somebody shoot that monkey!
Earl Montgomery: What did you call me!?

Lieutenant Washington: Now, let me see if I got this figured out. You get out of prison, pissed with your life... You decide to pay your old buddy Earl a visit. Things get out of hand... Shots are fired, police respond just in time to catch Hank trying to get away with you in his car, probably holding you at gunpoint. Am I correct?
Earl Montgomery: Amazing. You are very, very good.

More National Security quotes

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