John Lithgow

Quotes from John Lithgow movies and TV shows - page 2 of 4

Dick for Tat - S5-E2

Dick: Hello, Alissa. Tommy forgot his air freshener.
Alissa: What?
Dick: He was supposed to forget his bookbag, but he forgot to forget it.

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When Aliens Camp - S3-E25

Harry: Alright, I'm off to the gyro stand.
Dick: Harry, it's "yeeros."
Harry: You know if one more person tells me how to pronounce it, I'm just gonna stop eating 'em.

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Fear and Loathing in Rutherford - S6-E2

[Dick is about to crash Strudwick's car into a deer.]
Strudwick: Look out for that deer!
Dick: Look out for what, honey?

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Mary Loves Scoochie (2) - S6-E18

[Dick and Liam are engaged in a verbal joust to win Mary's affections.]
Dick: I will now dispatch my foe with an elegant haiku.
Liam: Five syllables, seven syllables, five syllables.
Dick: I know that. I'm so sick of you. You think you know everything. Will you stop it, please?
Liam: Now, yes that is technically a haiku, but it's a rather pedestrian one.
Dick: No, that was an accidental haiku. I want another turn.

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When Aliens Camp - S3-E25

[Harry and Dick bump into each other while carrying a trout and a jar of peanut butter, respectively.]
Dick: You got your trout in my peanut butter!
Harry: Your peanut butter got on my trout!
[Both taste the combined flavors.]
Dick and Harry: Not bad.

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The Loud Solomon Family: A Dickumentary - S5-E9

Sally: Dad's a great guy. You'll really like him.
Mary: Dick, you always said your father was dead.
Dick: She meant you'll like his corpse.

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I Am Dick Pentameter! - S4-E6

Dick: You have a little tofu on your lip.
Jennifer: This smoothie is delicious. Please have a sip.
Dick: Ah, thank you. But, no, just uh, please, go like this [makes wiping motion near his mouth].
Jennifer: I've got an idea, how 'bout we kiss?
Dick: Okay, time out, you're missing my point.
Jennifer: Finish your food and we'll blow this joint.
Dick: Just listen to me, you have tofu on your lip. It's been there for what seems like an eternity, now please just flick it the hell off your face! [She despondently wipes her face.] Thank you, that's better. Now we can embrace.

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Angry Dick - S1-E13

Dick: [Reading from TV Guide] "Jerry dates a blind girl [Repeat]. Jerry dates a blind girl." It gains nothing the second time.

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Dick vs. Strudwick - S4-E21

Don: Hey Dick, the movie starts in 20 minutes.
Dick: Don, I can't come. I'm in the middle of writing a groundbreaking book that'll bring the physics world to its knees.
Don: Oh. What's it called?
Dick: "Payback's A Bitch, Strudwick."

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Near Dick Experience - S4-E22

Dick: I am going to have a near-death experience if it kills me!

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Dial M for Dick - S5-E4

Sally: I don't get it. For free, murder is a horrible tragedy, but you charge $100 for it, and suddenly it's a sophisticated night out.
Tommy: But it's inappropriate for kids.
Dick: This world does need more entertainment that's acceptable for children.
Harry: Something where people are nice to each other. Something where people can just love one another.
Tommy: They have that. It's called pornography.
Dick: Then that's what kids should watch.

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Angry Dick - S1-E13

Sally: Dick, what's wrong?
Dick: I don't know. There's an odd sensation moving through my body. [Groans] Who the hell does that stupid sack of fat think he is anyway?!
Harry: Dick?
Dick: I have a plan.
Sally: Remember, we're not allowed to liquify humans.
Dick: OK. I have another plan.

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Superstitious Dick - S4-E16

Dick: Can any of you come up with a reasonable scenario in which throwing out a piece of mail would result in having your ribs broken by a floor waxer?
Harry: Absolutely. The guy who was waxing the floor thought you were throwing out his paycheck.
Dick: No. The guy with the waxer knew nothing about it.
Tommy: Then why were you throwing out his paycheck?
Dick: No. There was no paycheck.
Sally: No paycheck? Well, no wonder the waxer dude went psycho on you.

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Same Old Song and Dick - S2-E17

Dick: I just want us to be the way we were, the greatest lovers in history.
Mary: Dick, put your panties back on and sit down. We're fine, there's nothing wrong with us. Our relationship is normal.
Dick: I don't want normal. I want ceaseless joy and never-ending passion, like Romeo and Juliet.
Mary: They both wound up dead.
Dick: Anthony and Cleopatra.
Mary: Dead.
Dick: Well, that couple from Wuthering Heights.
Mary: Insane and dead.
Dick: F. Scott Fitzgerald and Zelda.
Mary: Drunk, insane, and dead.
Dick: Tristan ├╣nd Iseult.
Mary: Abgeschossen.
Dick: Aha! Siegfried and Roy!
Mary: OK, one.

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The Dicks They Are A-Changin' - S1-E14

Mary: Oohh. Are these magic brownies?
Dick: Pepperidge Farm.
Mary: You, know. I think I have something. I found it when I moved eight years ago. It's in the freezer. It's a joint.
Dick: Ooh. A doobie. Let's bogart that fat boy.

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Dick Jokes - S2-E11

Dick: You know, it's a remarkable feeling to be able to make someone else laugh. It's almost as if you have the power to get inside their brain and, and tickle it.
Harry: Pssh. I could do that with a chopstick.
Dick: Imagine how different war would be if instead of trying to kill each other, people just showed up armed with jokes.
Sally: But you could still have guns, right? Because, you know, eventually you'd stop laughing and want to get on with the killing.

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I Am Dick Pentameter! - S4-E6

Don: Congratulations, Dick, you got yourself a hell of a rhymer. I mean, I've tried to rhyme, you know. There was a dog who sat on a log, his name was...Rog? That sorta thing. Hold on to her, Dick. She's one of a kind.
Dick: So you like the the rhyming, eh? You like the rhyming?
Don: Yeah.
Dick: And what if the rhyming were never to stop? On, on, and on till your head doth pop. Oh, look! A book! A book on schnook! What kind of crook took my schnook nook book? Perchance, methinks, thee, hither, yon, thou. I think I'm going to have a freakin' cow!
Don: You sure seem to hate her, sounds really tough.
Dick: Hate is a strong word, but not strong enough.

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More 3rd Rock from the Sun quotes

Lord John Whorfin: Will somebody turn off that gosh darn klaxon?

Lord John Whorfin: Barney, I'm going home... with my overthruster.

Orderly: Who are you today, Doc? Einstein?
Lord John Whorfin: Lord John Whorfin. If there's one thing I hate, it's to be mistaken for somebody else.

More The Adventures of Buckaroo Banzai Across the 8th Dimension quotes

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