Tugg Speedman: There were times while I was playing Jack where I felt...retarded. Like, really retarded.
Kirk Lazarus: Moronical?
Tugg Speedman: Yeah!
Kirk Lazarus: An imbicile?
Tugg Speedman: Yeah!
Kirk Lazarus: Like the dumbest motherfucker that ever lived?
Tugg Speedman: ...when I was playing the character.
Alpa Chino: Man I'm tired of this Koala hugging Nig...
Kirk Lazarus: [Punches Alpa.] For 400 years, that word has kept us down.
Alpa Chino: What the... ?
Kirk Lazarus: It took a whole lot of trying, just to get up that hill, now... We're in the big leagues, getting our turn to bat, as long as we live, It's you and me baby, there ain't nothi...
Alpa Chino: Man, that's the theme song to The Jeffersons, man you really need help!
Kirk Lazarus: Hey, just 'cause it's a theme song don't make it not true.
Sam Gerard: Get the tapes from the U.N. surveillance.
John Royce: I don't think we have clearance for those.
Sam Gerard: Get the clearance, get the tapes, don't tell me what we can't do.
Terry Crabtree: Let me get this straight. Jerry Nathan owes you money, so as collateral he gives you his car.
Grady Tripp: Only I'm beginning to think that the car wasn't exactly Jerry's to give.
Terry Crabtree: Ah, so whose car was it?
Grady Tripp: My guess? Vernon Hardapple.
Terry Crabtree: The hood jumper?
Grady Tripp: He said a few things that lead me to believe that the car was his.
Terry Crabtree: Such as?
Grady Tripp: "That's my car, motherfucker."
Terry Crabtree: I just want you to know I heard everything the whole parents, grandparents, chinatown thing. I believe you. That's why we're here. Go get dressed.
Terry Crabtree: So is he any good?
Grady Tripp: No, not yet.
Terry Crabtree: Well, I'm going to read it, anyway.
Grady Tripp: Aw Crabs, C'mon will you? He's one of my students for Christsakes. Besides, I'm not even sure if he's.
Terry Crabtree: He is. I'm sure, take my word for it, I see myself in him.
Grady Tripp: Oh, I'm sure you do.
Paul Avery: Do you know more people die in the East Bay commute every three months than that idiot ever killed? He offed a few citizens, wrote a few letters, then faded into footnote... Not that I haven't been sitting here idly, waiting for you to drop by and reinvigorate my sense of purpose.
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