Tom Selleck

Quotes from Tom Selleck movies and TV shows - page 2 of 3

Three Minus Two - S2-E21

Jan Kona: I'd hate to run into him in a dark alley.
Magnum: He's not so terrific in a lit room.
(00:20:15)

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The Arrow That Is Not Aimed - S3-E13

Magnum: A man is talking about killing himself tomorrow and you're worried about blood on the bougainvilleas?

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No Need to Know - S1-E5

Magnum: [answers the phone sleepily] Hello.
Rick: Are you all right? You sound like my dog that time she got hit by the pineapple truck.
Magnum: Yeah. No. Who is this?
Rick: What do you mean, "Who is this?" How many people do you know that had a dog that was hit by a pineapple truck?
(00:08:00)

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The Arrow That Is Not Aimed - S3-E13

Magnum: A - ha! You violated my privacy!
Higgins: Nonsense. I was retrieving Mr. Masters' wide-angle lens which you borrowed three weeks ago and typically neglected to return.
Magnum: That doesn't give you the right to remove my possessions!
Higgins: I consider this contraband and therefore subject to confiscation.
Magnum: As long as there are dogs threatening my life, liberty and the pursuit of happiness, I will...No, I must, I MUST protect myself! It is my constitutional right!
Higgins: Very well. I will inform Mr. Masters that you feel within your constitutional rights to use dog repellent on the lads.
Magnum: Hey, hey, hey, Higgins! No sense bothering Robin with a little household problem.
(00:04:40)

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Legacy from a Friend - S3-E18

Higgins: Certain past indiscretions...Various incriminating lapses noted in my log...
Magnum: Higgins. There is nothing, absolutely nothing, that you can tell Robin that he doesn't already know. That we haven't laughed about together.
Higgins: The potato chip heiress from Buffalo who filled the tidal pool with...
Magnum: A little misunderstanding, Higgins, after it was drained.
Higgins: And then there is the Romanian mime troop who...
Magnum: Y-...you're not going to bring that up, I mean, Higgins, you were there when the paramedics arrived! You know!
Higgins: I will take note of the panic in your voice and those guilt-crazed eyes as a scent to my favor, albeit with the slightest reluctance.
Magnum: Wait a minute! This isn't a favor, this is extortion! And blackmail!
Higgins: I prefer to consider it a gentlemen's agreement, though under the circumstances the term is misused.
(00:13:30)

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No Need to Know - S1-E5

Mandy, the Flight Attendant: I'd love a chance to see what you do in action.
Magnum: I don't whip off my glasses and run into the phone booth, if that's what you mean.
Higgins: Not if it's a pay phone, anyway.
(00:10:30)

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Italian Ice - S2-E15

Margo Perina: Who's that?
Magnum: Oh, that...is a buddy of mine, and he sometimes flies tourists over the estate, to see what famous person might be sunbathing naked on the beach.
Margo Perina: Oh, I'm not famous or naked.
Magnum: Well, you will be. Famous.
(00:29:25)

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Missing in Action - S1-E9

Magnum: Look, I gotta run. I'll see you this afternoon.
TC: Hey man, it's Friday, Thomas. I need the fifty bucks to buy a fuel pump for my chopper.
Magnum: Well, all I've got is a twenty.
TC: [sighs] A'ight man, that will do for right now.
Magnum: TC! You mean you'd let me drive out of here broke?
TC: Well that's the way you ALWAYS drive in! The money, Thomas.
Magnum: OK, I'll tell you what I'll do. I'll loan you ten until this evening.
TC: You'll loan me ten? You owe me fifty!
Magnum: That's right, which I don't have, so I'll loan you ten to keep you afloat. You can pay me back! When I pay you the fifty.
TC: Whoa, whoa whoa. What's with this Abbott and Costello routine? You owe me fifty, you loan me ten? Forget it!
Magnum: Oh, ok! Thanks, I owe you one. [drives off]
TC: You owe me one? YOU OWE ME FIFTY!
(00:19:20)

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Dead Man's Channel - S2-E2

Magnum: This was one of those days I wished I'd listened to my mother and studied to be an orthodontist. Looking into someone's mouth has gotta be better than staring death in the face. (00:44:40)

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The Big Blow - S3-E21

Higgins: One moment, Magnum. I'm going to need you for the party.
Magnum: You're not going through with this?
Higgins: Magnum, Mr. Masters' Spring Equinox Weekend Party is one of the premier social events of the season. To miss it would be unthinkable.
Magnum: This hurricane that's brewing is also one of the premier events of the season. To miss it would be impossible!
(00:04:00)

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Tropical Madness - S2-E6

Magnum: I know what you're thinking. I was thinking it too. In fact, when I write my private investigator manual, there'll be a chapter on "The Oldest Tricks in the World." Now, this had to be one of them. An anonymous tip? A mysterious meeting? The only trouble with the oldest tricks is, they usually work. (00:17:00)

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The Black Orchid - S1-E16

Magnum: Do you think you can just admit you sent those goons after me and then just walk away? I don't believe you people. You're just incredible.
Wyndom Jackson: I didn't mean to have anything happen to you. I was just trying to scare you. I'm sorry they got carried away. Now, if that's not good enough for you, we can fight. You're younger than I am, stronger maybe, so you'd probably win. But I'm richer than you are, so in the end I'll beat ya. Now, why don't you just accept my apology?
(00:38:00)

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The Case of the Red-Faced Thespian - S4-E12

Marge Atherton: Great costume!
Magnum: Oh. This isn't a costume.
Nolan Atherton: Really? You wear that shirt in public?
(00:08:35)

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Luther Gillis: File #521 - S4-E2

Magnum: Sure, it was dangerous but...I figured once I got to Artie himself he'd understand and help me find little Nancy. I'd appeal to his sense of compassion and humanity. And I'd also put a .45 to his head. (00:12:30)

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Texas Lightning - S2-E17

Magnum: I've had it with your complaints and your orders, and your commands, especially from someone who can't keep up.
Jeannie 'JL' Lowry: I can kill men with these hands.
Magnum: Why bother, when you can destroy them with that mouth?
(00:25:30)

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Smaller Than Life - S4-E3

Savannah: I really wish you'd reconsider. I can show you excitement like you have never known in your life.
Magnum: Savannah...
Savannah: You can watch me until you are completely confident...and then we'll do it together.
Magnum: We are not going to do it, at all.
Savannah: I like to do it face to face. It is so wonderful to watch your partner's expression with the heart pounding, the ears ringing, falling together through space until that moment when you body is jerked upward and shudders...
Magnum: Savannah...
Savannah: And your chute catches, and you float gently to the ground.
(00:14:30)

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Thank Heaven for Little Girls and Big Ones Too - S1-E4

Magnum: I think I'm gonna have to run down this address.
Rick: This isn't exactly the high-rent district. If you go down there, I suggest you bring a gun or an alligator on a leash.
Magnum: Rick, I am looking for a schoolteacher, not a gorilla.
(00:12:25)

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More Magnum, P.I. quotes

Jack Elliot: Japanese way, 'Shut up and Take it'.
Hiroko Uchiyama: Jack's way, 'ME, ME, ME'! Sometimes acceptance and cooperation are strengths also.

Jack Elliot: Just let them have a little fun.
Uchiyama: Baseball is work. Not fun.
Jack Elliot: Baseball is grown men getting paid to play a game. When you were a kid, I bet you didn't pick up a bat and ball because you were dying to work. A player's career is short enough. Let them enjoy it.

Yoji Nishimura, Jack's Interpreter: Jack-San. If you want Yoji's advice about the babes, you come to Yoji with... respect.
Jack Elliot: Hai.
Yoji Nishimura, Jack's Interpreter: Hai? As in Yes?
Jack Elliot: Hai as in Yes.
Yoji Nishimura, Jack's Interpreter: Hmmmmm. Yes.

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