Quotes from Ted Danson movies and TV shows

Dr. John Becker: The world is full of idiots, and someone needs to point it out to them or they will never know.

Dr. John Becker: Too many people know where I eat.

Dr. John Becker: Romance is like the cheese in the mousetrap - it baits you into position, so the cold, metal bar of reality can come down and snap your neck.

Bob: I was doing some research on the internet.
Dr. John Becker: Must have come as a surprise that it's not all porn, huh?
Bob: One shock at a time.

Dr. John Becker: If you and I were the only people on the face of the Earth, that would be the only thing we'd have in common.

Dr. John Becker: That's the problem with the world, everybody says "Everybody does it," so everybody does it.

Dr. John Becker: I never told you to shut up.
Mr. Humphries: You hung up on me once.
Dr. John Becker: So I didn't have to tell you to shut up.

Dr. John Becker: Oh, I'm so glad to see you.
Bob: That's nice, John.
Dr. John Becker: I was talking to the cigarettes.

Dr. John Becker: He took special interest in one student. Can you guess who that young man was?
Linda: Who?
Dr. John Becker: Linda, don't be such an idiot. It's me.
Linda: Oh, when you said young it threw me off.

Margaret: So someone finally shot you.
Dr. John Becker: I always thought it would be you, Margaret.
Margaret: So did I.

Linda: What do you have against the New York City Marathon?
Dr. John Becker: The Marathon just gets my hopes up. At first it seems like 20,000 idiots are leaving the city, but then they just make a big loop and come right back.

More Becker quotes

Sam: I've never met an intelligent woman I'd want to date.
Diane: On behalf of all the intelligent women in America, may I just say: whew.

Sam: You drinking again?
Rebecca: Certainly not. I never stopped.

Diane Meets Mom - S3-E8

Frasier's Mother: [Referring to Diane.] I understand you used to date that woman.
Sam Malone: That's right.
Frasier's Mother: How much would it take to start things up again?
Sam Malone: You don't have enough money.
Frasier's Mother: How do you know?
Sam Malone: There isn't enough money.

Sam: Diane, I've got a problem.
Diane: Who is she, and how many months?

Sam: What's new, Normie?
Norm: Terrorists, Sam. They've taken over my stomach and they're demanding beer.

Diane: Sam, may I have a brief word with you?
Sam: I suppose you could, but I doubt it.

Sam: I'm Sam Malone, by the way.
Henri: Ooh. I've heard about you in France.
Sam: Oh yeah. You follow baseball?
Henri: No, stewardesses.

Sam: You know... You know I always wanted to pop you one? Maybe this is my lucky day, huh?
Diane: You disgust me. I hate you.
Sam: Are you turned on as I am?
Diane: More.

Adventures in Housesitting - S7-E11

Rebecca: Sheridan's in the kitchen with Satan!
Sam: This is no time for folksinging!

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More Cheers quotes

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