Beanie: Yeah, that's it. I got a student alt rock band coming on next. Mitch, I own six speaker cities. I am worth three-and-a-half-million dollars that the government knows about. I got more electronics up there than a damn kiss concert. Tou think I'm gonna roll out this type of red carpet for a fucking marching band? Just make sure you can see the stage.
Beanie: I'd like to welcome you all to the Mitch Martin Freedom Festival. Now for those of you who don't know who Mitch Martin is, he's the very successful, very disease-free gentleman standing by the mini-bar. Now, courtesy of Speaker City, which is slashing prices on everything from beepers to DVD players, give a warm welcome Harrison welcome to my pal and your favorite, Snoop Dogg.
Trent: You know what you are? You're like a big bear with claws and with fangs...
Sue: ...big fucking teeth, man.
Trent: Yeah... Big fuckin' teeth on ya'. And she's just like this little bunny, who's just kinda cowering in the corner.
Trent: Yeah, man just kinda... You know, you got these claws and you're staring at these claws and your thinking to yourself, and with these claws you're thinking, "How am I supposed to kill this bunny, how am I supposed to kill this bunny?"
Sue: And you're poking at it, you're poking at it...
Trent: Yeah, you're not hurting it. You're just kinda gently batting the bunny around, you know what I mean? And the bunny's scared Mike, the bunny's scared of you, shivering.
Sue: And you got these fucking claws and these fangs...
Trent: And you got these fucking claws and these fangs, man! And you're looking at your claws and you're looking at your fangs. And you're thinking to yourself, you don't know what to do, man."I don't know how to kill the bunny." With *this* you don't know how to kill the bunny, do you know what I mean?
Sue: You're like a big bear, man.
Mike: So how long do I wait to call?
Trent: A day.
Sue: Tomorrow, then a day.
Mike: So two days?
Trent: Yeah, I guess you could call it that, two days.
Sue: Definitely, two days is like industry standard.
Trent: You know I used to wait two days to call anybody, but now it's like everyone in town waits two days. So I think three days is kind of money. What do you think?
Sue: Yeah, but two's enough not to look anxious.
Trent: But I think three days is kind of money. You know because you...
Mike: Yeah, but you know what, mabey I'll wait 3 weeks. How's that? And tell her I was cleaning out my wallet and I just happened to run into her number.
Charles: Then ask her where you met her.
Mike: Yeah, I'll ask her where I met her. I don't remember. What does she look like? And then I'll asked if we fucked. Is that... Would that be... T, would that be the money?
Trent: You know what. Ha ha ha Mike, laugh all you want but if you call too soon you might scare off a nice baby who's ready to party.
Mike: Well how long are you guys gonna wait to call your babies?
Trent, Sue: Six days.
Dan Trunkman: The first rule is, show the client a good time. The second rule, forget all the other rules.
Dan Trunkman: I just landed a huge deal for you and then you tell me that I'm going to take 5% less this year?
Chuck Portnoy: You are replaceable.
Dan Trunkman: You say that kind of stuff a lot and that's why Brian Peters wrote, 'you're a jackass' on your parking spot.
Brian Peters: What the hell, Dan?
Dan Trunkman: That was one year ago. The next day I started my own company. I only have two employees. One's too old and one's too young.
Mike Pancake: I've never been on a business trip before. I'm pretty jacked. What do you guys do on them?
Dan Trunkman: Can you not say your whole name today because the client can lose focus?
Mike Pancake: I'm Mike Pancake.
Jim Spinch: What was your last name?
Mike Pancake: Pancake.
Jim Spinch: Like breakfast?
Mike Pancake: It's Greek.
Jim Spinch: It's delicious.
Bill Whilmsley: Yum.
Susan Trunkman: It's been a tough week.
Dan Trunkman: Yeah. Well. How about I drive?
Susan Trunkman: Yes, please.
Dan Trunkman: Flügel schlagen.
Susan Trunkman: What?
Dan Trunkman: Something I learned on my trip. It means, "You have to fight like hell... but don't forget to catch your breath now and then... and realise that everything's gonna be all right." Or it means "Turn left," probably.
Bob: When are you gonna take the plunge and knock a few out?
Evan: Well, it's not that simple.
Bob: Well, it's about as simple as putting your dick in a vagina. You know what I mean? Make it happen.
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