Bernard Berkman: You'll have to share the bathroom with the boys. They get the upstairs and I have my own.
Lili: That's all right, as long as Walt remembers to pull the seat down.
Bernard Berkman: Ivan is fine but he's not a serious guy, he's a philistine.
Frank Berkman: What's a philistine?
Bernard Berkman: It's a guy who doesn't care about books and interesting films and things.
Bernard Berkman: Your mother's brother Ned is also a philistine.
Frank Berkman: Then I'm a philistine.
Bernard Berkman: No, you're interested in books and things.
Bernard Berkman: She's a very risky writer, Lili. Very racy. I mean, exhibiting her cunt in that fashion is very racy. I mean Lili has her influences in post modern literature, it's a bit derivative of Kafka, but for a student, very racy. Did you get that it was her cunt?
Bernard Berkman: How do you know they were both Frank's?
Ms. Lemon: Well, I suppose it's possible other kids are masturbating and spreading their semen around the school as well... It's possible, but, uh, somewhat unlikely.
Bernard Berkman: Oh, it happens, I'm sure, much more than we know.
Joan Berkman: Bernard, have you ever done anything like this?
Bernard Berkman: I'm not going to answer that.
Bernard Berkman: Joan, let me ask you something. All that work I did at the end of our marriage, making dinners, cleaning up, being more attentive. It never was going to make a difference, was it? You were leaving no matter what.
Joan Berkman: You never made a dinner.
Bernard Berkman: I made burgers that time you had pneumonia.
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