Jiff Ramsey: Oh, gosh, I'm really hoping to get a career running errands. That'd be a major boost for me.
Clarence: Fuck you, fuck you, and fuck you! Who's next?
Prince Akeem: Fascinating! Semmi, look at this! America is great indeed. Imagine a country so free, one can throw glass on the streets.
Clarence: I met Dr. Martin Luther King Jr. one time.
Sweets: Man, you lyin'. You ain't never met no Martin Luther the King.
Clarence: Oh there they go. There they go, every time I start talkin 'bout boxing, a white man got to pull Rocky Marciano out their ass. That's their one, that's their one. Rocky Marciano. Rocky Marciano. Let me tell you something once and for all. Rocky Marciano was good, but compared to Joe Louis, Rocky Marciano ain't shit.
Prince Akeem: So, you would share your bed, and your fortune, with a beautiful fool?
Semmi: That is the way it has always been with men of power. It is tradition.
King Jaffe Joffer: Time does fly fast, my son. It seems only yesterday I ordered your first diaper changed. Now you're a man about to be married. She will give you much pleasure, don't you think?
Prince Akeem: I'm not sure if I'm ready.
King Jaffe Joffer: Son, I know we never talked about this. I always assumed you had sex with your bathers. I know I do.
Prince Akeem: Is it just me, or does every woman in Queens have a severe emotional problem?
Prince Akeem: But how can a man get excited about a woman he's never seen?
Prince Akeem: I am Akeem.
Lisa McDowell: It's nice to meet you, Akeem.
Prince Akeem: I have recently been placed in charge of garbage. Do you have any that requires disposal?
Lisa McDowell: No. It's totally empty.
Prince Akeem: When it fills up, call me. I will take it out most urgently.
Lisa McDowell: That's good to know.
Prince Akeem: When you think of garbage, think of Akeem.
Prince Akeem: When I marry, I want the woman to love me for who I am, not because of what I am.
King Jaffe Joffer: And who are you?
Prince Akeem: I am a man who has never tied his own shoes before.
King Jaffe Joffer: Wrong. You are a prince who has never tied his shoes. Believe me. I tied my own shoes once. It is an overrated experience.
Prince Akeem: But it is also tradition that times must and always do change, my friend.
Saul: A man has the right to change his name to vatever he vants to change it to. And if a man vants to be called Muhammad Ali, godammit this is a free country, you should respect his vishes, and call the man Muhammad Ali.
Morris: His mamma call him Clay, imma call him Clay.
Saul: Then you're a putz. All of you are putzes. They should change the sign outside from My-T-Sharp to 'ze Three Putzes.
Becca: We need more learning about things.
Charlie Hinton: More learning about things?
Becca: Yes. We're at a very critical age. You have to feed our minds.
Charlie Hinton: Wow, goats really love pie.
Charlie Hinton: Any boob can run a day-care center but it takes a family to raise some kids and that's what we're gonna be from now on, a family.
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