Lee: Ah! Beach Boys.
Carter: Oh, hell no! You didn't just touch my goddamn radio.
Lee: The Beach Boys are great American music.
Carter: The Beach Boys gonna get you a great ass whuppin'. Don't you ever touch a black man's radio, boy! You can do that in China but you can get your ass killed out here, man.
Carter: This ain't no Democracy.
Lee: Yes it is.
Carter: No it ain't. This is the United States of James Carter. I'm the President, I'm the Emperor, I'm the King. I'm Michael Jackson, you're Tito. I own yo ass.
Chief Inspector Lee: You know nothing about me.
Kenji: I do know that you don't have a wife or kids, you have nothing, just like me.
Detective James Carter: I wouldn't say nothing. He has me his brother from another mother.
Chon Wang: It's a puzzle box. I don't know how to open it.
Roy: What do you mean, you don't know how to open it? You just get a hammer and smash it open so you can see what it says.
Chon Wang: No. I must have patience. By the time I'm able to open it, I will be ready to read the message.
Roy: Oh, come on, Confucius, that's the corniest thing I've ever heard.
Roy: So what did your dad do? Was he an imperial guard?
Chon Wang: No, much more important. He was the Keeper of the Imperial Seal.
Roy: That's what I love about China. Everybody's job description sounds so damn cool.
Chon Wang: Who would leave a pile of stones in the middle of a field?
Roy: I don't know, Chon, these people are nuts.
Chon Wang: The English are not very friendly.
Roy: They're just sore losers.
Chon Wang: What did they lose?
Roy: A little thing called the American Revolution, Chon.
Chon Wang: Never heard of it.
Roy: I'll give you the highlights. They came over with about a million men. We had a bunch of farmers with pitchforks and beat 'em like a drum.
Chon Wang: Roy! The painting! It's looking at me.
Roy: Oh yeah, it looks like it's looking at me too. That's great.
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