Jim Carrey

Quotes from Jim Carrey movies and TV shows - page 5 of 7

Max Reede: Is wrestling real?
Fletcher: In the Olympics, yes. On channel 23, no.

Fletcher: You brought your kids to your divorce?
Samantha: Sympathy.
Fletcher: Well, it's working! I feel sorry for them already!

Audrey: Where were you?
Fletcher: Having sex.
Audrey: Well, I hope it was with someone *very* special!
Fletcher: No, see - that's the thing. I don't even like her, but she's a partner and I thought I could help my career by making her squeal.

Pete: Hey, what's up, Fletcher?
Fletcher: Your cholesterol, fatty.

Fletcher: Are you marrying this guy because you're mad at me?
Audrey: No - I divorced you because I was mad at you.

Max Reede: My teacher tells me beauty is on the inside.
Fletcher: That's just something ugly people say.

Miranda: That was incredible. Was it good for you?
Fletcher: I've had better.

Fletcher: Greta, please! I'm on my knees in a $900 suit.

Jane: Do you like my new dress?
Fletcher: What ever takes the focus off your head!

Greta: Mr. Reede, several years ago a friend of mine had a burglar on her roof, a burglar. He fell through the kitchen skylight, landed on a cutting board, on a butcher's knife, cutting his leg. The burglar sued my friend, he sued my friend. And because of guys like you *he won*. My friend had to pay the burglar $6,000. Is that justice?
Fletcher: No! I'd have got him ten.

Judge Stevens: Mr. Reede, one more word out of you, and I will hold you in contempt!
Fletcher: I hold *myself* in contempt! Why should you be any different?

Judge Stevens: How are we this morning, Counselor?
Dana: Fine, thank you.
Judge Stevens: And how about you, Mr. Reede?
Fletcher: I'm a little upset about a bad sexual episode I had last night.
Judge Stevens: Well, you're young. It'll happen more and more. In the meantime, what do you say we get down to business?

More Liar Liar quotes

Peter Appleton: I thought this was a democracy.
Leo Kubelsky: The Declaration of Independence, the Constitution, they're all just pieces of paper with signatures on them. And you know what a piece of paper with a signature is: a contract. Something that can be renegotiated at any time. Just so happens that the House un-American activities committee is renegotiating the contract this time around. Next time it will be somebody else, but it will always be somebody.

Elvin Clyde: Who did you go as?
Peter Appleton: A horny young man.

More The Majestic quotes

Andy Kaufman: I'm going to the Philippines.
George Shapiro: The Philippines? What's in the Philippines?
Andy Kaufman: A miracle.

Andy Kaufman: Since you've all been such good boys and girls, I would like to take everybody in this entire audience out for milk and cookies. There are buses outside. Everybody follow me.

Andy Kaufman: You don't know the real me.
Lynne Margulies: There isn't a real you.
Andy Kaufman: Oh yeah, I forgot.

Lynne Margulies: So, you just pretend to be an asshole.
Andy Kaufman: It's what I'm good at.

More Man on the Moon quotes

The Mask: Our love is like a red, red rose... And I am a little thorny.

The Mask: Ooh, somebody stop me!

More The Mask quotes

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