Pappass: If you make a wish and don't tell nobody, it could come true.
Reverend Frank: By the power of God and the minister of National Security and Justice of Ocho Rios, Jamaica... I now pronounce you husband and wife.
Ben Murphy: Hey, can I ask you a question?
Reverend Frank: Sure.
Ben Murphy: When did you really know that we were ready to get married?
Reverend Frank: The moment you told Joel that Sadie wasn't a fish, I knew it was meant to be. Besides, anybody who kicks a reverend's ass for his woman, you're A-okay in my book.
Tom Dobbs: If Mama Cass had shared a lunch with Karen Carpenter, both would still be alive today... What do I think of gay marriage? I believe gays have every right to be just as miserable as the rest of us.
Tom Dobbs: Freedom of religion means practicing any religion you want, anytime and anywhere you want. Like being a Jewish Buddhist: all you do is sit and wait for stuff to go on sale.
Tom Dobbs: If you tell a bad joke, you can put a laugh track over it - but the joke's still not funny.
Tom Dobbs: HMOs will pay for your Viagra, but they won't pay for your glasses. So you can have a hard-on, but you can't see where to put it.
Tom Dobbs: This makes golf look like porn.
Tom Dobbs: You can't spend $200 million running for office without owing something to somebody. Those who can't afford lobbyists have no advocate. The Statue of Liberty says, "Give me your tired, your poor." Government says, "Give me your wealthy, your gifted, your endowed."
Tom Dobbs: Even in the face of tyranny, there is comedy. Remember those two Jewish commandos who were sent to kill Hitler at 12:30? They waited in an alley with guns, bombs and knives... only Hitler didn't show up. After half an hour came and went, still no Hitler. Finally, one Jew turns to the other and says, "My God, I hope nothing happened to him."
Tom Dobbs: ...You know, Italy just elected a porn star to their senate. Which is wonderful, because that means no sex scandals - just great posters and incredible downloads.
Tom Dobbs: The president wants to pass an amendment banning same-sex marriage. Anybody who's been married knows it's always the same sex.
Tom Dobbs: Why would security guards pad down an 85-year-old lady with a walker? If she's a terrorist... well, then the ball game's over, folks.
Orson: You opened the door to your emotions, didn't you?
Mork: Yes, Sir.
Orson: You realise you've broken the highest Orkan law. It is my duty to report you to the Council.
Mork: I understand. But I don't regret what I've done, sir. You see, for the first time in my life, I feel really alive, I feel fantastic! Oh, I wish you could try it! I wish you could feel some of the things I've been feeling!
Orson: Impossible. I could never do that. They'd throw me in prison.
Mork: Oh, I don't mean to be disrespectful, your immenseness, but until you can marvel at a rainbow after a storm or rejoice at seeing a baby walk for the first time, or hold someone and have them feel the same warmth inside as you feel close to them outside - until you can do these things, aren't you already in prison?
Vladimir Ivanoff: In Moscow we fought for an inch of freedom! Here you take it and pour shit all over it.
Vladimir Ivanoff: Yesterday I bought my first pair of American shoes. They were made in Italy.
Mrs. Doubtfire: I hope you don't mind me being a tad rude, but... How was he? You know, on a scale of 1 to 10?
Miranda: Well, that part was always... Okay.
Mrs. Doubtfire: Just okay? Well, he was probably a Casanova compared to poor old Winston.
Miranda: What was the matter with Winston?
Mrs. Doubtfire: Oh dear, Winston's idea of foreplay was "Effie, brace yourself."