Wilson: I'll tell you something, Myrt.
Myrtle Mae Simmons: Yeah?
Wilson: You know, you not only got a nice build, but you got something else, too.
Myrtle Mae Simmons: Really? What?
Wilson: You got the screwiest uncle that ever stuck his puss inside our nuthouse.
Judge Gaffney: Anything you told Dr. Sanderson, you can tell us Veta Louise. She's your daughter and I'm your lawyer.
Veta Louise Simmons: I know which is which. I don't want to talk about it.
Elwood P. Dowd: Miss Kelly, perhaps you'd like this flower. I seem to have misplaced my buttonhole.
Dr. Chumley: I'm Dr. Chumley. You're Mrs. Simmons, of course.
Veta Louise Simmons: Yes, well, I'm glad to know you, Dr. Chumley. Would you mind asking Judge Gaffney to come back here?
Dr. Chumley: Why, certainly, certainly.
Veta Louise Simmons: I want to tell him to sue you for $100,000. I don't think $50,000 is enough.
Veta Louise Simmons: It's Dowd. Elwood P. Dowd.
Miss Kelly: Elwood P. Dowd. His age?
Veta Louise Simmons: Forty-two the twenty-fourth of last April. He's Taurus. Taurus, the bull. I'm Leo and Myrtle's on the cusp.
Dr. Sanderson: Now, what happened after you introduced Dr. Chumley to Harvey?
Elwood P. Dowd: Well, Harvey suggested that I buy him a drink. And knowing that he doesn't like to drink alone, well, I suggested that Dr. Chummy join him.
Dr. Sanderson: Yes?
Elwood P. Dowd: We joined him.
Dr. Sanderson: Go on.
Elwood P. Dowd: We joined him again.
Wilson: Hey, now, look, now somebody's gonna have to give me a hand with that Simmons dame. She's terrible! You know, I had to take her corset off all by myself.
Elwood P. Dowd: I've never heard Harvey say a word against Akron.
Wilson: Where's this guy Elwood P. Dowd? That screwball with a rabbit. What's a matter? Are you goofy too? You a member of this cockeyed family?
Elwood P. Dowd: I always have a wonderful time, wherever I am, whomever I'm with.
Miss Kelly: I came down here to say goodbye to you. So, goodbye, good luck and good riddance.
Elwood P. Dowd: I used to know a whole lot of dances. The-the-the-eh - the flea hop, and-and, what's the - eh - the black bottom, the variety drag. I don't, I don't know, I just don't seem to have any time any more. I have so many things to do.
Elwood P. Dowd: Wouldn't that get a little monotonous, just Akron, cold beer and 'poor, poor thing' for two weeks?
Elwood P. Dowd: Goodbye, Mr. Wilson.
Wilson: Goodbye.
Elwood P. Dowd: My regards to you and anybody else you happen to run into.
Veta Louise Simmons: And then one of those doctors came upstairs and asked me a lot of questions - all about sex urges and all that filthy stuff.
Wilson: Hello, Dunphy, I left that Simmons dame soakin' in 13. Do me a favor, will ya, honey? Turn off the juice.
Dr. Sanderson: Under the circumstances, I'd commit my own Grandmother.
Elwood P. Dowd: Oh, does your Grandmother drink too?
Dr. Sanderson: Its just an expression.
Veta Louise Simmons: Let me get my breath and, then, let me get upstairs to my own bed where I can let go.
Veta Louise Simmons: Myrtle Mae, you have a lot to learn, and I hope you never learn it.
Veta Louise Simmons: Doctor, everything I say to you is confidential, isn't it?
Dr. Sanderson: I am not a gossip, Mrs. Simmons. I am a psychiatrist.
