Stacy Hamilton: When a guy has an orgasm, how much comes out?
Linda Barrett: A quart or so.
Jeff Spicoli: Aloha, Mr. Hand.
Mike Damone: I think I just came... didn't you feel it?
Jeff Spicoli: Those guys are fags.
Mr. Vargas: They sold their bodies to medicine for money. About $30, I think.
Dr. Miller: Twenty-five.
Jeff Spicoli: Righteous bucks.
Brad's Bud: Brad, your sister's turning into a fox.
Desmond: That kid's been stoned since the third grade.
Stacy Hamilton: Do you think guys find that more attractive?
Linda Barrett: Oh, Stacy, please. Give me a break! You are so much prettier than them.
Stacy Hamilton: Yeah, I know. But, I think they'd be better in bed.
Linda Barrett: What do you mean? Better in bed? Either you do it or you don't.
Stacy Hamilton: No. There are, like, variables that I might not be good at.
Linda Barrett: Like what variables?
Stacy Hamilton: Like, you know, giving blow jobs.
Jeff Spicoli: Hey, Bud, let's party.
Jeff Spicoli: People on 'ludes should not drive.
Linda Barrett: Did you hear that surfer guy pulled a knife on Mr. Hand?
Stacy Hamilton: No he didn't. He just called him a dick.
Linda Barrett: People exaggerate so much around here.
Mike Damone: I can see it all now, this is gonna be just like last summer. You fell in love with that girl at the Fotomat, you bought forty dollars worth of fuckin' film, and you never even talked to her. You don't even own a camera.
Mr. Hand: What are you, people? On dope?
Mike Damone: Look at you: member of the honor roll, assistant to the assistant manager of the movie theater. I'm tellin' ya, Rat, if this girl can't smell your qualifications, then who needs her, right?
Damone: Can you honestly tell me you forgot? Forgot the magnetism of Robin Zander, or the charisma of Rick Nielsen?
Jeff Spicoli: This is U.S. History, I see the globe right there.
Businessman: It says one hundred percent guaranteed, you moron.
Brad Hamilton: Mister, if you don't shut up I'm gonna kick one hundred percent of your ass.