Blazing Saddles

Blazing Saddles (1974)

23 quotes

Bart: You are my guest, and I am your host. What is your pleasure? What do you like to do?
Jim: I don't know... Play chess... Screw...
Bart: [quickly.] Let's play chess.

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Jim: Well, it got so that every piss-ant prairie punk who thought he could shoot a gun would ride into town to try out the Waco Kid. I must have killed more men than Cecil B. DeMille. It got pretty gritty. I started to hear the word "draw" in my sleep. Then one day, I was just walking down the street when I heard a voice behind me say, "Reach for it, mister!" I spun around... And there I was, face-to-face with a six-year old kid. Well, I just threw my guns down and walked away. Little bastard shot me in the ass. So I limped to the nearest saloon, crawled inside a whiskey bottle, and I've been there ever since.

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Hedley Lamarr: My mind is a raging torrent, flooded with rivulets of thought cascading into a waterfall of creative alternatives.
Taggart: God darnit, Mr. Lamarr, you use your tongue prettier than a twenty dollar whore.

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[Bart, disguised as a Klansman, describes his qualifications as a villain.]
Bart: Stampeding cattle.
Hedley Lamarr: That's not much of a crime.
Bart: Through the Vatican?
Hedley Lamarr: [smiling.] Kinkyyyy. Sign here.

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Hedley Lamarr: Gentlemen, please rest your sphincters.

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[To two members of the KKK, while pretending to capture Bart.]
Jim: Oh, boys! Lookee what I got heyuh.
Bart: Hey, where the white women at?

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Hedley Lamarr: Unfortunately there is one thing standing between me and that property: the rightful owners.

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Bart: Well, can't you see that's the last act of a desperate man?
Howard Johnson: We don't care if it's the first act of "Henry V, " we're leaving!

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Hedley Lamarr: Qualifications?
Applicant: Rape, murder, arson, and rape.
Hedley Lamarr: You said rape twice.
Applicant: I like rape.

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Bart: A man drink like that and he don't eat, he is going to DIE.
Jim: [eagerly.] When?

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Hedley Lamarr: Go do that voodoo that you do, so well.

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Lili Von Shtupp: Is that a ten-gallon hat, or are you just enjoying the show?

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Reverend Johnson: Order, order. Goddamnit, I said "order."
Howard Johnson: Y'know, Nietzsche says: "Out of chaos comes order."
Olson Johnson: Oh, blow it out your ass, Howard.

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Howard Johnson: [reading paper] As chairman of the welcoming committee, it is my privilege to extend a laurel and hardy handshake to our new [looks up and sees Bart] nigger.

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Reverend Johnson: Now I don't have to tell you good folks what's been happening in our beloved little town. Sheriff murdered, crops burned, stores looted, people stampeded, and cattle raped. The time has come to act, and act fast. I'm leaving.

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Mongo: Mongo only pawn... In game of life.

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Jim: You've got to remember that these are just simple farmers. These are people of the land. The common clay of the new West. You know... Morons.

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Bart: Are we awake?
Jim: We're not sure. Are we... Black?
Bart: Yes, we are.
Jim: Then we're awake... But we're very puzzled.

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Taggart: I know how we can run everybody outta Rock Ridge.
Hedley Lamarr: How?
Taggart: We'll kill the first born male child in every household.
Lamarr: Too Jewish.

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Bishop73

[Gabby looks through the telescope and sees Bart.]
Gabby: Hey! The sheriff is a n... [church bells cut him off.].
Townsman: What did he say?
Olson Johnson: "The sheriff is near."
Gabby: No! Goflabindengflibit. The sheriff is a n... [church bells cut him off again.].

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Mexican Bandit: Badges? We don't need no stinking badges.

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Lili Von Shtupp: A wed wose. How womantic.

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Bart: Mornin', ma'am. And isn't it a lovely mornin'?
Elderly woman: Up yours, nigger.

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