The Dude: Walter, the Chinaman who peed on my rug, I can't go give him a bill! So what the fuck are you talking about!
Walter: What the fuck are you talking about! The Chinaman is not the issue here, Dude. I'm talking about drawing a line in the sand, Dude. Across this line you do not...also, Dude, Chinaman is not the preferred nomenclature. Asian American, please.
Maude Lebowski: Does the female form make you uncomfortable, Mr. Lebowski?
The Dude: Uh, is that what this is a picture of?
Maude Lebowski: In a sense, yes. My art has been commended as being strongly vaginal which bothers some men. The word itself makes some men uncomfortable. Vagina.
The Dude: Oh yeah?
Maude Lebowski: Yes, they don't like hearing it and find it difficult to say whereas without batting an eye a man will refer to his dick or his rod or his Johnson.
The Dude: Johnson?
The Dude: Nobody calls me Lebowski. You got the wrong guy. I'm the Dude, man.
Blond Treehorn Thug: Your name's Lebowski, Lebowski. Your wife is Bunny.
The Dude: My... My wife, Bunny? Do you see a wedding ring on my finger? Does this place look like I'm fucking married? The toilet seat's up, man!
The Dude: It's like what Lenin said... You look for the person who will benefit, and, uh, uh...
Donny: I am the walrus.
The Dude: You know what I'm trying to say...
Walter Sobchak: That fucking bitch...
Donny: I am the walrus.
Walter Sobchak: Shut the fuck up, Donny! V.I. Lenin! Vladimir Ilich Ulyanov!
Bunny: I'll suck your cock for a thousand dollars.
Brandt: [Forced laughter.] Hahahahaha! Wonderful woman. We're all, we're all very fond of her. Very free-spirited.
Bunny: Brandt can't watch, though, or he has to pay a hundred.
Brandt: Ahahaha. That's marvellous.
The Dude: Uh, I'm just gonna go find a cash machine.
[Explaining to the furious Big Lebowski how he has lost the ransom money.]
The Dude: I dropped off the money exactly as per - look... Man, I've got certain information, all right? Certain things have come to light, and - y'know, has it ever occurred to you, that, instead of, uh, y'know, running around, uh, uh, blaming me, y'know, given the nature of all this new shit, y'know, this could be a-a-a-a lot more, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, complex, I mean, it's not just, it might not be just such a simple... Uh, y'know?
Malibu Police Chief: Mr. Treehorn draws a lot of water in this town. You don't draw shit, Lebowski. Now we got a nice, quiet little beach community here, and I aim to keep it nice and quiet. So let me make something plain. I don't like you sucking around, bothering our citizens, Lebowski. I don't like your jerk-off name. I don't like your jerk-off face. I don't like your jerk-off behavior, and I don't like you, jerk-off. Do I make myself clear?
The Dude: [long pause.] I'm sorry, I wasn't listening.
[The chief of police viciously throws a coffee mug at his head.]
The Dude: Ow! Fucking fascist!