Jarod: I had a weird day at school today.
Stan: What happened?
Jarod: An officer came to lecture us in algebra.
Stan: What about?
Jarod: You know that kid I was telling you about the other day?
Stan: The one you had trouble with?
Jarod: Yeah, the guy who thought I was doing something with his girlfriend. He's gone missing, too.
Stan: So, that's both of them? That's strange... strange. What did you say their names were again?
Jarod: David and Lindsey.
Stan: That's right.
Jarod: They're not sure what happened to him yet, but I think he might be dead.
Stan: Why would you think that?
Jarod: Well, you can only go around being a dickhead for so long before it turns around and bites you in the ass.
Stan: So, do you think it was an accident?
Jarod: No.
Stan: Me neither.
Jarod: I think when a person like that is dealt with it should be applauded, not punished.
Stan: I couldn't agree with you more. (00:52:13)
[Stan, working on his crossword puzzle, initially ignores Jarod.]
Stan: Can I help you?
Jarod: Yeah. I thought you only do cremations here.
Stan: We do.
Jarod: Then. Uh. Why do you got the coffin?
Stan: It's for show.
Jarod: Why offer something if you're not going to sell it?
Stan: I don't offer it.
Jarod: It's a perfectly good coffin. You should sell it.
Stan: I DON'T OFFER IT.
Jarod: OK. (00:20:22)
Jarod: OK... um... 44 down: one subject to oppression, loss, or suffering.
Stan: OK... One subject to oppression, loss, or suffering.
Jarod: Yeah. It's 44 down... one, two, three. Six letters.
[Driver in back of Stan's car starts blowing the horn, nonstop, and starts passing.]
Stan: What are the last two letters?
Jarod: "I" and "M."
Stan: Guess... come on!
[Car is in the left lane, alongside Stan, passing - with horn still blowing.]
Stan: [mumbles] You son of a b... VICTIM! (01:20:30)
[Stan initially ignores the Wagners while he works on his crossword puzzle.]
Stan: Can I help you?
Mrs. Wagner: Yes. We recently lost someone in the family.
Stan: OK.
Mrs. Wagner: And we're wondering if cremation is all you do here.
Stan: Yes.
Mr. Wagner: We really like the rates that you offered here and we're wondering if there were any alternatives.
Stan: No.
Mr. Wagner: No?
Stan: No.
Mr. Wagner: Great. Well, what's with the, uh, casket?
Stan: It's for show.
Mr. Wagner: Well, being that you're in the business, maybe you can refer us to someone.
Stan: There's brochures by the door.
Mr. Wagner: [Aping Stan] Honey, there's brochures by the door. (00:10:56 - 00:11:27)
