Guardians of the Galaxy

Rocket Raccoon: Metaphors go over his head.
Drax the Destroyer: NOTHING goes over my head! My reflexes are too fast, I would catch it.

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Gamora: I know who you are, Peter Quill, and I am not some starry eyed waif here to succumb to your... Your pelvic sorcery!

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Groot: I am Groot.

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Peter Quill: There's one other name you might know me by. Star Lord.
Korath: Who?
Peter Quill: Star Lord, man. Legendary outlaw? Forget it.

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Thanos: The only matter I do not take seriously, boy, is you. Your politics bore me! Your demeanor is that of a pouty child. And apparently you alienated my favorite daughter, Gamora. I shall honor our agreement, Kree, if you bring me the orb. But return to me again empty handed and I will bathe the star-ways with your blood.

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Gamora: I am going to die surrounded by the biggest idiots in the galaxy.

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Rocket Raccoon: I don't think you even have a plan.
Peter Quill: I have part of a plan.
Drax the Destroyer: What percentage of a plan do you have?
Gamora: You don't get to ask questions after the nonsense you pulled on Knowhere!
Drax the Destroyer: I just saved Quill!
Peter Quill: We've already established that you destroying the ship I'm on is not saving me!
Drax the Destroyer: When did we establish that?
Peter Quill: Like three seconds ago!
Drax the Destroyer: Well I wasn't listening then, I was thinking of something else...

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Rocket Raccoon: Why would you want to save the galaxy?
Peter Quill: Because I'm one of the idiots who lives in it!

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Rocket Raccoon: That's for if things get really hardcore. Or if you wanna blow up moons.
Gamora: No one's blowing up moons.
Rocket Raccoon: You just wanna suck the joy out of everything.

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Drax: Where did you learn to do that?
Peter Quill: I'm pretty sure the answer is "I am Groot."

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Drax the Destroyer: I like your knife, I'm keeping it.
Moloka Dar: That was my favorite knife.

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Rocket Raccoon: No, Groot... Don't do this, you'll die... Why are you doing this?
Groot: We are Groot.

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Gamora: And Quill... Your ship is filthy [walks away].
Peter Quill: Oh she has no idea. If I had a blacklight, this would look like a Jackson Pollock painting.
Rocket Raccoon: You got issues, Quill.

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Rocket Raccoon: Well now I'm standing. Happy? We're all standing now. Bunch of jackasses, standing in a circle.

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Rhomann Dey: They call themselves the Guardians of the Galaxy.
Nova Corps Officer: What a bunch of a-holes.

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Peter Quill: I'm not about to be taken down by a talking raccoon...
Rocket Raccoon: What's a raccoon?
Peter Quill: "What's a raccoon?" It's what you are, stupid!
Rocket Raccoon: Ain't no thing like me, except me.

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Groot: I am Groot.
Peter Quill: Well that's just as fascinating as the first 89 times. What is wrong with Giving Tree here?
Rocket Raccoon: Well he don't know talkin' good like me and you, so his vocabulistics is limited to 'I' and 'am' and 'Groot,' exclusively in that order.
Peter Quill: Well I tell you what, that's gonna wear real thin, real fast, bud.

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Korath the Pursuer: Star-Lord!
Peter Quill: Finally!

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Peter Quill: So here we are: a thief, two thugs, an assassin and a maniac. But we're not going to stand by as evil wipes out the galaxy. I guess we're stuck together, partners.

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Rocket Raccoon: Fine, but I can't promise when all of this is over I'm not going to kill every last one of you jerks.
Peter Quill: See, this is exactly why none of you have any friends!

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Peter Quill: What should we do next: Something good, something bad? Bit of both?
Gamora: We'll follow your lead, Star-Lord.
Peter Quill: A bit of both!

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Gamora: I'm a warrior, an assassin. I don't dance.
Peter Quill: Really? Well, on my planet, we have a legend about people like you. It's called Footloose. And in it, a great hero, named Kevin Bacon, teaches an entire city full of people with sticks up their butts that, dancing, well, is the greatest thing there is.
Gamora: Who put the sticks up their butts?

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Drax the Destroyer: I just wanted to tell you how grateful I am that you've accepted me despite my blunders. It is good to once again be among friends. You, Quill, are my friend.
Peter Quill: Thanks.
Drax the Destroyer: This dumb tree is also my friend.
[Groot grunts.]
Drax the Destroyer: And this green whore is also...
Gamora: Oh, you must stop!

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Rocket Raccoon: Keep her on up there, Saal. We'll take care of the people down here.
Garthan Saal: I can't believe I'm taking orders from a hamster.

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Friso94

Gamora: You should have learned.
Peter Quill: I don't learn. One of my issues.

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Gamora: I have lived most of my life surrounded by my enemies. I would be grateful to die surrounded by my friends.

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Peter Quill: She betrayed Ronan, he's coming for her. That's when you...[draws his finger across his throat].
Drax the Destroyer: Why would I want to put my finger on his throat?
Peter Quill: No, that's the symbol for slicing his throat.
Drax the Destroyer: I would not slice his throat, I would cut his head clean off.

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Rocket Raccoon: [looking at Stan Lee.] Look at Mr. Smiles over here. Where's your wife, old man? What a class-A prevert.

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Bishop73

Rocket: Look at this guy! Can you believe they call us criminals when he's assaulting us with that haircut.

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Bishop73

Howard the Duck: Why'd ya have it lick you like that? Gross!

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Mistakes

When the Dark Aster enters the atmosphere at the end of the film, its wings untwist as it descends, in most of the scenes afterwards and the hologram the ship's wings are still twisted, then later during the battle they untwist again.

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Trivia

The planet the orb is found on is called Morag. In the comics Morag is the first leader of the Kree, whose actions started the eon long Kree/Skrull war.

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