President Merkin Muffley: Gentlemen, you can't fight in here! This is the War Room!
Lieutenant John Chard: The army doesn't like more than one disaster in a day.
Bromhead: Looks bad in the newspapers and upsets civilians at their breakfast.
Miriam: Why wouldn't I tell him that his pure, darling little girl was having a dirty little affair with a married man?
Charlotte: You're a vile, sorry little bitch.
Livius: A few days longer, Caesar, we'll bring you his head.
Marcus Aurelius: No Livius, please don't bring me his head. I wouldn't know what to do with it.
Robert Morgan: Another day... another day to start all over again.
Landlady: ...and what things does she want? Her bird cage and her Chinese fan. But she says, never mind about sending any clothes.
Earl Sylvester: How'd he die?
Lee: Johnny North choked to death on one question... too many.
Stephen Evshevsky: How wonderful I feel when I'm happy. Do you think that insanity could be so simple a thing as unhappiness?
Maxine Faulk: All right, honey, calm down.
Hannah Jelkes: I am perfectly calm, Mrs. Faulk.
Maxine Faulk: Well, I'm not! That's the trouble. The trouble is Shannon. I caught the vibrations between you two.
Hannah Jelkes: Mrs. Faulk, I'm a New England spinster who is pushing 40.
Maxine Faulk: Well, who the hell isn't!
Gen. Stark: They're good men, we've seen to that. If their orders are attack, the only way you're going to stop them is to shoot them down.
Brigadier General Warren A. Black: We've got no alternative! This minute the Russians are watching their boards, trying to figure out what we're up to. If we can't convince them it's an accident we're trying to correct by any means, we're going to have something on our hands that nobody bargained for, and only a lunatic wants.
Mrs. Gerald Hayden: You have made it publicly obvious that you have only one concept of love... a vile and sinful one.
Valerie Hayden Miller: When you're dying of thirst, you drink from a mudhole.
Mrs. Gerald Hayden: You have devoted your life to mud and filth.
Valerie Hayden Miller: Only to get even with you.
Capt. Jack Savage: When your number's up, why fight it, right? And if its not, why worry about it?
Ens. Frank Pulver: You mean after everything I've told you, you think I could be a doctor?
Scotty: By rights, you should be a good one. You have more people to prove yourself to than anyone I ever heard of. You should cash in on that. My family's in business. They say the big trick is to turn liabilities into assets.
Eleanor Holbrook: I'll make you two promises: a very good steak, medium rare, and the truth, which is very rare.