When Chuck Paulsen locks Patrick in the closet, you hear the sound of the door locking outside. But the lock is on the other side of the door, where Patrick is. See more...
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Sarah Schnieder: Patrick, hey rockstar! How are the water slides? Or are you too full from all the ice cream?
Patrick Cassels: SHUT THE FUCK UP, YOU CRAZY BITCH! THIS PLACE IS A NIGHTMARE!
Sam Reich: Is something wrong?
Ricky Van Veen: Yes, something's wrong! Chuck Paulsen has a cooler office than I do! This is bullshit!
Amir Blumenfeld: Two questions: What are you guys doing, and I want in.
Sarah Schnieder: Guys, I think Patrick's in trouble.
Sam Reich: Patrick?
Sarah Schnieder: Are you guys serious? He's been gone for five hours and you've forgotten who he is?
Sam Reich: Are we talking Four-Eyes, Buck-Teeth?
Sarah Schnieder: No, that's Amir.
Amir Blumenfeld: Pot-Belly, Midget-Legs?
Sarah Schnieder: No, that's Sam.
Dan Gurewitch: Redhead, Taco Truck?
Sam Reich: No, Dan. That's you.
Amir Blumenfeld: Boobs-Chest, Vagina-Pants?
Sarah Schnieder: Horse-Face, Gumby-Arms!
Sam Reich: Oh, Horse-Face, Gumby-Arms! I like that guy.
Jeff Rubin: Chuck Paulsen crapped all over us in The New York Times.
Sam Reich: We can't let Ricky see that.
Ricky Van Veen: Too late, Chuck Paulsen already sent me a copy.
Sarah Schneider: Any press is good press?
Ricky Van Veen: "Fuck you, CollegeHumor"?
Amir Blumenfeld: How many of you have ever worked at a website before? [About half the interns raise their hands.] Alright, you can leave. [Pause.] GET THE FUCK OUT!
Sam Reich: Hey, Sarah, you're here early.
Sarah Schneider: It's 10:30.
Sam Reich: Right on time.
Sarah Schneider: Work starts at 9.
Sam Reich: Impossible, that's when I get up.
Sarah Schneider: Dan, what time does work start?
Dan Gurewitch: 11:45. I came in early to nap.
Sarah Schneider: Wow, that's clearly wrong.
Sam Reich: You know what, there is an easy way to figure this out. Guys, what time does work start?
Patrick Cassels: 10:00?
Jeff Rubin: 11?
Amir Blumenfeld: 3?
Sam Reich: Okay, so 10 plus 11 is 21, plus 3 is 24, divided by 3 is 8:00. Wow, that is early.
Tripp: I'm gonna go get a latte. Try not to fuck each other while I'm gone.