Adrian Monk: Unless I'm wrong, which, you know, I'm not.
Adrian Monk: Here's what happened.
Dr. Shuler: You’re gonna feel normal for a while. And then there’s gonna be some vomiting, followed by death.
Monk: Vomiting?
Dr. Shuler: That’s right. Followed by death.
Monk: Vomiting.
Dr. Shuler: Yes. Followed by death.
Monk: Vomiting!
Dr. Shuler: Adrian, I really need you to focus on the last part of that sentence. There’s gonna be some vomiting... and then death.
Monk: Is there any chance death could come before the vomiting?
Adrian Monk: I don't know how he did it. But he did it.
Monk: It's a gift...and a curse.
Mr. Monk and the Candidate (1) - S1-E1
Sharona: You're going straight to hell.
Adrian Monk: I am in hell.
Mr. Monk Meets the Playboy - S2-E8
Dexter Larson: I was the kind of guy that a woman like you never talked to.
Sharona Fleming: You still are.
Mr. Monk Meets the Playboy - S2-E8
Noelle Winters: Is your wife here?
Adrian Monk: I'm not married.
Noelle Winters: You're wearing a ring.
Adrian Monk: She passed away. I can't bring myself to take it off yet.
Noelle Winters: Oh, I'm sorry. When did she die?
Adrian Monk: Six years ago.
Mr. Monk and the Candidate (1) - S1-E1
Adrian Monk: Are you registered to vote?
Sharona Fleming: I never vote. It only encourages them.
Adrian Monk: Here's what happened.
Mr. Monk Makes A Friend - S5-E11
Monk: [On the phone with Hal] Oh that, that, that was just my assistant, Natalie. Uh? Ah, hold on, I'll see. [Speaking to Natalie] Are you hot?
Mr. Monk and the Candidate (1) - S1-E1
Miranda St. Clair: I'm told you're germophobic, afraid of the dark, heights, crowds and... Milk.
Sharona: We're working on the milk. He's making good progress on milk.
Mr. Monk is the Best Man - S8-E13
Randy Disher: I think somebody's trying to scare you.
Captain Stottlemeyer: Yeah, but why? I mean, it doesn't track. If the guy wants a piece of me, if he wants to hurt me, why doesn't he come at me? What's all this cat and mouse crap?
Disher: So who's on your short list?
Stottlemeyer: I've been at this all morning. Most of these guys are either in jail or dead.
Disher: Or both.
Stottlemeyer: No. Nobody is both.
Captain Stottlemeyer: Look at that. See that? That's a bullet. That's a bullet that got dug out of our very dear friend's leg tonight.
Randy Disher: That makes your cousin a former cop shooter.
Vince Kuramoto: A former what?
Randy: A former cop shooter.
Vince: You mean he use to shoot cops?
Randy: No he shot someone who use to be a cop.
Vince: Why didn't you say that?
Hal Tucker: Well, killing my girlfriend was the easy part. The hard part was pretending to be Monk's friend for a week.
Jimmy Belmont: You ever hear the man try to tell a joke?
Joey Krenshaw: It's like a verbal root canal.
Hal: Excruciating.
James Novak: How did you feel when he arrested you?
Hal: I actually...I was feeling sorry for him. I felt like he was the village idiot or something. It was humiliating.
Jimmy: Until that there summation thing.
Hal: Oh my god. The summation. I love when people tell me what I've already done.
Joey: Droned! Just, ugh, longest four minutes of my life.
Hal: I mean, I know what I did. I killed her. I didn't need him to tell me.
Mr. Monk Is on the Run (1) - S6-E15
County Judge: Bail is set at $900,000.
[Monk whispering to his lawyer].
Monk's Lawyer: Um, with the court's permission. Could you make it an even million?
Captain Stottlemeyer: Oh, my God!
Mr. Monk and the Three Julies - S6-E13
Dr. Kroger: So, uh, a glass eyeball, huh?
Monk: The mother died three months ago. The son never reported it.
Dr. Kroger: Wait, did the son kill the mother?
Monk: The doctors say no. It was a heart aneurysm. Her son, Matthew, is an amateur taxidermist. He stuffed her body. He carried her from room to room like nothing happened.
Dr. Kroger: Yeah, I've heard of cases like that. See, he couldn't function without her. They call it "radical cognitive bonding."
Monk: At least I never dug Trudy up and had her stuffed and mounted, right?
Dr. Kroger. Yes. And I've always been very proud of you for that.
Mr. Monk Visits a Farm - S5-E14
Jimmy Belmont: Well, here I am. You wanna ask me something, go right ahead.
Monk: OK. What's back there? Let me guess. Fields of reefer.
Jimmy: Fields of reefer? What kind of cop were you?
Monk: You know what I mean. Ditchweed. Boo. The old Ali Babba.
Jimmy: What makes you think I'd actually...
Monk: Magic Dragon, Bambalachi, Yellow Submarine, Black Bart, Doctor Giggles, Kentucky Blue. You know what I'm talking about. I'm talking about Railroad Weed. That's right, the Devil's Parsley. Skunk. Splim, Splam, Mooster. Side Salad.
Jimmy: Side Salad?
Answer: Stottlemeyer was already upset after the phone call. He was trying to get "Kevin" (who would have to be a judge, but no further character information is given) to issue a restraining order with no evidence of needing one, except that Adrian Monk said she needs one. Kevin said he would need to "sleep on it." So it's clear they've been trying to provide protection and unable to get the results they need, which seems to be based on no one trusting Monk the way Stottlemeyer does. He's just angry that they failed to protect Linda despite all their work. Although it does feel like a scene was cut, or altered, from the show that shows the futile attempts to protect Linda which built up to his outrage.
Bishop73