SpongeBob SquarePants (1999) - 25 quotes

Mermaid Man and Barnacle Boy / Pickles (series 1)

Mermaidman: To the meatloaf! To the broccoli! Make sure you give extra broccoli to my young ward. The boy needs his vitamins.

SpongeBob: Wow, Mermaidman and Barnacleboy.

Patrick: It's too bad they're old.

SpongeBob: What do you mean, Patrick? Old people are the greatest. They're full of wisdom and experience.

Pizza Delivery / Home Sweet Pineapple (series 1)

Squidward: [Answers phone.] Hello?

SpongeBob: Squidward!

Squidward: Is it time already for you to ruin my day?

SpongeBob: Squidward! Help me! My house is shrinking and I woke up this morning and it was getting smaller...oh no!

Squidward: Yep, it is.

[Patrick comes out from his rock.]

Patrick: Is it time already to ruin Squid's day? [Falls off rock onto his furniture then jumps out with a tuxedo on.] Hey, SpongeBob, don't start without me!

Squidward: Sponge, we gotta eat something.

Spongebob: I heard in times of hardship, the pioneers would eat corals. No, maybe it wasn't coral. Maybe it was sand, no, mud.

Squidward: Give me the pizza!

Spongebob: Wait, I remember now. It was coral!

Squidward: Give it to me!

Squidward: Will you let go of that stupid pizza, already?

Spongebob: I can't it's for the customer.

Squidward: Who cares about the customer?

Spongebob: I do!

Squidward: Well, I don't!

MuscleBob BuffPants / Squidward, the Unfriendly Ghost (series 1)

SpongeBob: I don't know how to say this Patrick, but our old pal Squidward, he's... he's pushing up daisies.

Patrick: Oh, I thought he was dead.

SpongeBob SquarePants: I'm every bit as good as Larry, and if I'm not, then may I be struck by...

[Rumble of thunder.]

SpongeBob SquarePants: ... a flying ice cream truck.

[A shadow forms over SpongeBob.]

SpongeBob SquarePants: And live!

The Graveyard Shift / Krusty Love (series 3)

Squidward: Years ago, at this very restaurant, the hatch-slinging slasher used to be a frycook, just like you. Only clumsier! And then, one night, when he was cutting the patties, it happened...

SpongeBob: He forgot the secret sauce?

Squidward: No.

SpongeBob: He didn't wash his hands?

Squidward: No!

SpongeBob: Irregular portions?

Squidward: NO! He cut off his own hand! By mistake!

SpongeBob: You mean like this?

[At every 'this', SpongeBob removes his arm and a new one grows back.]

SpongeBob: Or like this? Or this? Or this? But what about this? Or this? Or this? Or this?

Squidward: Except he wasn't a sponge!

SpongeBob: So?

Squidward: So it didn't grow back!

Chocolate With Nuts / Mermaid Man And Barnacle Boy V (series 3)

Spongebob: Quick, Patrick. If you could have anything right now, what would it be?

Patrick: Um...more time for thinking?

Sandy, SpongeBob and the Worm / Squid on Strike (series 2)

Patrick Star: We should take Bikini Bottom, and push it somewhere else!

Help Wanted / Reef Blowers / Tea at the Treedome (series 1)

Mr Krabs: I smell the smelly smell of something that smells...smelly...

Valentine's Day / The Paper (series 1)

Patrick Star: You broke my heart! Now I'm gonna break something of yours!

MuscleBob BuffPants / Squidward, the Unfriendly Ghost (series 1)

Squidward: Spongebob, are you trying to drive me to the nut house?

Spongebob: No. Just into this hole.

Dying For Pie / Imitation Krabs (series 2)

Mr. Krabs: What's the most important rule here?

Spongebob: No free napkins?

Mr. Krabs: No, the other most important rule!

Spongebob: Only discuss the secret formula with Mr Krabs.

Mr. Krabs: As long as you do that, the formula is safe.

Squidward: I thought the most important rule was why do today what you can put off for tomorrow?

Mr. Krabs: But what's today, but yesterday's tomorrow?

Squidward: What?

Spongebob Squarepants: Oh, Gary! Why didn't you tell me I was pushing you too hard?

Gary: Meow!

Spongebob Squarepants: You did? Oh, Gary! Why didn't you tell me I wasn't listening?

Gary: Meow!

Spongebob Squarepants: You did?

Spongebob Squarepants: We're not doing so well, Patrick. We need a new tactic.

Patrick Star: I got it! Let's get naked!

Spongebob Squarepants: No, lets save that for when we're selling real estate.

Squidward Tentacles: Welcome to the Krusty Krab, where it's almost as if the evolutionary clock ticks backwards.

Mr. Krabs: The health inspector is here! If he finds one health violation, he'll shut us down for good! We've got to do everything in our power to make sure he passes the Krusty Krab!

Spongebob Squarepants: But, Mr. Krabs, there's nothing to worry about. The Krusty Krab is the most perfect place in the universe.

Mr. Krabs: You really haven't got any brains at all, have you, son?

Squidward Tentacles: Spongebob, this is the final straw. I'm going to move so far away, that I will be able to brag about it. I would rather tear out my brain stem, walk out to the middle of the nearest four-way intersection and skip rope with it than continue living where I do now.

TV announcer: Hi, there. Is this the final straw? Do you want to move so far away that you can brag about it? Would you rather tear out your brain stem, walk out in the middle of the nearest three-way-

Squidward Tentacles: Four-way.

TV announcer: Four-way intersection and skip rope with it than continue living where you do now?

Squidward Tentacles: Spongebob, there's something I've been wanting to say to you since the day we met. Goodbye.