The West Wing (1999) - 9 quotes

Across whole show

Leo McGarry: How are you doing, Ainsley?

Ainsley Hayes: [Nervous] I'm concerned about peeing on your carpet.

Leo McGarry: Ok, well, now I am too.

Ainsley Hayes: Can I use your bathroom?

Leo McGarry: Sure.

[She walks into the closet.]

President Bartlet: Where is she?

Sam Seaborn: In the closet.

President Bartlet: Come on out Ainsley. What were you doing in the closet?

Ainsley Hayes: I had to pee.

President Bartlet: They wont let me smoke inside, but you can pee in Leo's closet.

Leo McGarry: You can sign the president's name?

Margaret: Yeah.

Leo McGarry: On a document removing him from power and giving it to someone else?

Margaret: Yeah. Or do you think the White House Counsel would say that's a bad idea?

Leo McGarry: I think the White House Counsel would say that's a Coup D'Etat.

Margaret: I'd probably end up doing some time for that.

Leo McGarry: I would think.

Toby: A hooker?

Sam: Call girl.

Toby: Oh, well that's a distinction that's going to be very important to the grand jury.

Josh: You know what, CJ? I really think I'm the best judge of what I mean, you paranoid Berkeley shiksa feminista. Wow, that was way too far.

C.J.: No. No. Well, I've got a staff meeting to go to and so do you, you elitist, Harvard, fascist, missed-the-dean's-list-two-semesters-in-a-row Yankee jackass.

Josh: Feel better getting that off your chest there, C.J.?

C.J.: I'm a whole new woman.

President Bartlet: I was watching a television program before, with a kind of roving moderator who spoke to a seated panel of young women who were having some sort of problem with their boyfriends - apparently, because the boyfriends had all slept with the girlfriends' mothers. And they brought the boyfriends out, and they fought, right there on television. Toby, tell me: these people don't vote, do they?

Pilot (series 1)

Laurie: Tell your friend POTUS he's got a funny name, and he should learn how to ride a bicycle.

Sam Seaborn: I would, but he's not my friend, he's my boss. And it's not his name, it's his title.

Laurie: POTUS?

Sam Seaborn: President of the United States.

He Shall, from Time to Time (series 1)

Donna: So, if the Capitol Building blows up...

Josh: Yes.

Donna: The man my country will be looking to is the secretary of agriculture.

Josh: It's my country too.

Donna: Yeah, but you’ll be dead.

Josh: Which is why I really don't care that much.

C.J. Cregg: What are you taking?

President Josiah Bartlet: I don't know. My wife hands me pills, I swallow them with water.

Sam Seaborn: Sir?

President Josiah Bartlet: Vitamin C, Vitamin B. Is it possible I'm taking something called euthanasia?

Sam Seaborn: Echinacea?

President Josiah Bartlet: Ah, that sounds more like it.

Shibboleth (series 2)

C.J.: Sorry to ask you this, sir, but...

President Bartlet: Not too late to stop yourself.

C.J.: I need you to pardon a turkey.

President Bartlet: I already pardoned a turkey.

C.J.: I need you to pardon another one.

President Bartlet: Didn't I do it right?

C.J.: You did it great, but I need you to come out here and pardon another one.

President Bartlet: Aren't I going to get a reputation for being soft on turkeys?

C.J.: Sir, can you come out here and just get this over with?

President Bartlet: No, I'm not gonna just get this... What the hell's going on?

C.J.: They sent me two turkeys. The more photo-friendly of the two gets a Presidential pardon and a full life at a children's zoo. The runner-up gets eaten.

President Bartlet: If the Oscars were like that, I'd watch.