Blackadder: She's got the worst personality in Germany. And as you can imagine, that's up against some pretty stiff competition.
[Baldrick has just been made a lord, much to Blackadder's annoyance, and been given £400,000.]
Blackadder: Give me the bloody money, Baldrick or you're dead.
Baldrick: Give me the bloody money Baldrick or you're dead, MY LORD.
Blackadder: Just do it Baldrick, or I shall further enoble you by knighting you very clumsily with this meat cleaver.
Plan E: General Hospital - S4-E5
Blackadder: Sir, is there something the matter?
General Melchett: You're damned right there's something the matter! Something sinister and something grotesque. And what's worse is that it's going on right under my very nose!
Blackadder: Sir, your moustache is lovely.
Plan E: General Hospital - S4-E5
General Melchett: Well, of course they are, Blackadder - directed according to the Grand Plan.
Blackadder: Would that be the plan to continue with total slaughter until every-one's dead except Field Marshal Haig, Lady Haig and their tortoise, Alan?
General Melchett: Great Scott! Even you know it! Guard! Guard! Bolt all the doors; hammer large pieces of crooked wood against all the windows! This security leak is far worse than we'd imagined!
Plan E: General Hospital - S4-E5
General Melchett: Captain Blackadder?
Blackadder: Yes sir?
General Melchett: You are now head of Operation Winkle.
Blackadder: Thank you, sir.
General Melchett: Darling?
Captain Darling: Yes sir?
General Melchett: You are a complete arse.
Blackadder: The guns have stopped because we are about to attack. Not even our generals are mad enough to shell their own men. They feel it's more sporting to let the Germans do it.
Plan E: General Hospital - S4-E5
[Blackadder is interrogating Darling trying to find a German spy.]
Captain Darling: I'm as British as Queen Victoria!
Blackadder: So your father's German, you're half German and you married a German?
Blackadder: You're scared, Baldrick. And so am I. I couldn't be more petrified if a wild rhino had just come home from a hard day at the swamp and found me in his pyjamas, smoking his cigars and in bed with his wife.
Baldrick: You could have someone else fight the duel for you.
George: But I'm the Prince Regent! My portrait hangs on every wall.
Blackadder: Answer that, Baldrick.
Baldrick: Well, my cousin, Bert Baldrick, Mr. Gainsborough's butler's dogsbody, says that all portraits look the same nowadays, since they're painted to a romantic ideal, rather than as a true depiction of the idiosyncratic facial qualities of the person in question.
Blackadder: Well, your cousin Bert obviously has a larger vocabulary than you, Baldrick.
Blackadder: Have you ever known me to lie to the king?
Baldrick: Yes.
[Blackadder grabs a knife and holds it to Baldrick's throat.]
Baldrick: No.
Plan B: Corporal Punishment - S4-E2
[Baldrick is called to the stand to defend Blackadder.]
Blackadder: Deny everything, Baldrick.
Lieutenant George: Are you Private Baldrick?
Baldrick: No.
Lieutenant George: But you are Captain Blackadder's batman?
Baldrick: No.
Lieutenant George: Come on, Baldrick. Be a little more helpful. It's me.
Baldrick: No, it isn't.
The Witchsmeller Pursuivant - S1-E5
Witchsmeller: The suspect has his head placed upon a block, and an axe aimed at his neck. If the man is guilty, the axe will bounce off his neck so we burn him. If the man is not guilty, the axe will simply slice his head off.
Edmund: He murdered his whole family!
Pete: Who didn't? I certainly killed mine.
Wilfred: And I killed mine.
Friar: And I killed yours.
Sean: Did you?
Friar: Yes.
Sean: Good on you, Father.
Blackadder: Am I jumping the gun, Baldrick, or are the words "I have a cunning plan" marching with ill-deserved confidence in the direction of this conversation?
Baldrick: They certainly are, sir!
Blackadder: Well, forgive me if I don't do a cartwheel of joy. Your record in this department is hardly 100%. So what is it?
Baldrick: We do nothing.
Blackadder: Yup, it's another world-beater.
Baldrick: No, wait. We do nothing ... Until our heads have actually been cut off.
Blackadder: And then we ... Spring into action?
[Not having a present for Melchett, Blackadder offers a bottle of Baldrick's urine.]
Blackadder: There was one thing ma'am, a fine wine from the far east. A most delicious beverage.
Queenie: Have a taste boys; tell us what you think.
Sir Walter: It certainly has plenty of nose.
Melchett: Oh yes, this is very familiar.
Blackadder: You'll be delighted to hear there's an inexhaustable supply of the stuff.
Melchett: Grey, I suspect, your Majesty.
Queen Elizabeth: I think you'll find they were orange, Lord Melchett.
Melchett: Grey is more usual, Ma'am.
Queen Elizabeth: Who's Queen?
Melchett: As you say, Majesty. There were these magnificent orange elephants.
[Blackadder is writing a letter to Amy, as dictated by the Prince.]
Prince George: Tally ho, my fine, saucy young trollop. Your luck's in. Trip along here with all your cash and some naughty night attire, and you'll be staring at my bedroom ceiling from now till Christmas, you lucky tart. Yours with the deepest respect etc. Signed George. PS Woof, woof!
Blackadder: Ah, yes your highness...if I may change one small aspect?
Prince George: What?
Blackadder: The words?
[Blackadder tells Mr. Hardwood that the prince wants to marry his daughter Amy.]
Mr. Hardwood: Ah, ah... Can it be true? Surely love has never crossed such boundaries of class?
Amy: But what about you and mum?
Mr. Hardwood: Yes, yes I grant thee when I first met her, I was the farmer's son and she was just the lass who ate the dung but that was an exception.
Amy: And Aunty Dot and Uncle Ted.
Mr: Hardwood: Yes all right he was a pig poker and she was the Duchess of Argyle but...
Amy: And Aunty Ruth and Uncle Isiah she was a milkmaid and he was...
Mr. Hardwood: The Pope! Yes, yes all right. Don't argue!
Blackadder: I smell something fishy, and I'm not talking about the contents of Baldrick's apple crumble.
Answer: According to the IMDB.com's quote page for Blackadder The Third, it's "Aahhhhh. Hot potato, orchestra stalls, Puck will make amends. Owwwwww."
Gary O'Reilly