Simon Pegg (back to the S list / P list)

Danny Butterman: What do you think?

Nicholas Angel: Well, I wouldn't argue that it wasn't a no holds barred, adrenaline fueled thrill ride. But, there is no way you can perpetrate that amount of carnage and mayhem and not incur a considerable amount of paperwork.

DS Andy Wainwright: You do know there are more guns in the country than there are in the city.

DS Andy Cartwright: Everyone and their mums is packin' round here!

Nicholas Angel: Like who?

DS Andy Wainwright: Farmers.

Nicholas Angel: Who else?

DS Andy Cartwright: Farmers' mums.

Nicholas Angel: Mr. Porter, what's your wine selection?

Roy Porter: Oh, we've got red... and, er... white?

Nicholas Angel: I'll have a pint of lager, please.

Nicholas Angel: What's the situation?

DS Andy Wainwright: Two blokes and a fuck-load of cutlery!

Nicholas Angel: Sergeant Butterman, the little hand says it's time to rock and roll!

Nicholas Angel: When's your birthday?

Teen: 22nd of February.

Nicholas Angel: What year?

Teen: Every year.

Benji Dunn: [showing a glove] Now remember: blue is glue.

Ethan Hunt: And red?

Benji Dunn: Dead.

Graeme Willy: You are an alien!

Paul: To you I am, yes.

Graeme Willy: Are you gonna probe us?

Paul: *Why* does everyone always assume that? What am I doing? Am I harvesting farts? How much can I learn from an ass?

Clive Gollings: They're going to rape us and break our arms!

Graeme Willy: I don't want my arms broken.

Clive Gollings: What if we wake up and find him inserting a probe into our anus?

Graeme Willy: Well apparently they don't do that.

Ruth Buggs: So everything that I have been told my whole life, is just a big fat lie? Do you know how that feels?

Graeme Willy: Look. Just because your truth, isn't the true truth, doesn't mean there is no truth, Ruth.

Ruth Buggs: That's easy for you to say.

Graeme Willy: It's really not.

Shaun: Mum, what if I told you that on several occasions, he touched me. [pause] That was made up, not true, shouldn't have said that.

Shaun: David, kill the Queen.

David: What?!

Shaun: The bloody music!

Pete: It's four in the fucking morning!

Shaun: It's Saturday!

Pete: No, it's not. It's fucking Sunday. And I've got to go to fucking work in four fucking hours 'cos every other fucker in my fucking department is fucking ill! Now can you see why I'm SO FUCKING ANGRY?!

Ed: Fuck, yeah!

Liz: I love you, Ed

Ed: Cheers.

Shaun: I love you too, Ed.

Ed: Gay.

Shaun: You know, I don't think I've got it in me to shoot my flatmate, my mum, and my girlfriend all in the same evening.

Liz: What makes you think I've taken you back?

Shaun: Well, you don't want to die single do you?

Ed: That's it... I would like to be shot.

Shaun: He's not my boyfriend!

Ed: It might be a bit warm, the cooler's off.

Shaun: Thanks, babe.

Ed: You gonna thank me then?

Shaun: For what?

Ed: Tidying up!

Shaun: Doesn't look that tidy.

Ed: Well, I had a few beers when I finished.

Scotty: I like this ship! It's exciting!

Spock: We are traveling at warp speed. How did you manage to beam aboard the ship?

Kirk: You're the genius. You figure it out.

Spock: As acting Captain of this vessel, I order you to answer the question.

Kirk: Well, I'm not telling, acting Captain. What? Did...oh, now that doesn't frustrate you, does it? My lack of cooperation? That doesn't...

[Spock turns to Scotty]

Spock: Are you a member of Starfleet?

Scotty: Uh, yes. Can I get a towel?