Below are a few quotes involving Steve Carell - click the title to view the complete list. If you think their finest moments are missing from the full list, just click "submit something" to submit something new.
[Arguing against women in the newsroom.]
Brick Tamland: I read somewhere their periods attract bears. Bears can smell the menstruation.
Brian Fantana: Well, that's just great. You hear that, Ed? Bears. Now you're putting the whole station in jeopardy.
Ron Burgundy: Boy, that escalated quickly. I mean that really got out of hand fast!
Brian Fantana: It jumped up a notch.
Ron Burgundy: It did, didn't it?
Brick Tamland: Yea, I stabbed a man in the heart.
Ron Burgundy: I saw that! Brick killed a guy. Did you throw a trident?
Brick Tamland: Yea, there were horses and a man on fire and I killed a guy with a trident.
Ron Burgundy: Brick, I've been meaning to talk to you about that. You should find yourself a safe house or a relative close by because you're probably wanted for murder.
Ron Burgundy: Last time I looked in the dictionary, my name's Ron Burgundy. What's your name?
Brian Fantana: Brian Fantana.
Champ Kind: Champ Kind.
Brick Tamland: Brian Fantana.
Brian Fantana: No, you're Brick.
Brick Tamland: Brian.
Brian Fantana: I'm Brian.
Brick Tamland: Veronica.
Brick Tamland: I don't know what we're yelling about!
Brick Tamland: I love...carpet. I love...desk.
Ron Burgundy: Brick, are you just looking at things in the office and saying that you love them?
Brick Tamland: I love lamp.
Ron Burgundy: Do you really love the lamp, or are you just saying it because you saw it?
Brick Tamland: I love lamp. I love lamp.
Champ Kind: What's it like, Ron?
Ron Burgundy: The intimate times? Outta sight, my man.
Brian Fantana: No, the other thing - love.
Brick Tamland: Yeah, what is that?
Ron Burgundy: Brick, where did you get a hand grenade?
Brick Tamland: I don't know.
Brian Fantana: That was one crazy party. I am hung over.
Champ Kind: I woke up on the floor of some Japanese family's rec room, and they would NOT stop screaming.
Brick Tamland: I ate a big, red candle.
Champ Kind: Tell me about it, this morning, I woke up and I shit a squirrel, but what I can't get is the damn thing is still alive. So now, I've got a shit covered squirrel running around my office and I don't know what to name it.
Brick Tamland: O, I'm sorry champ, I think I ate your chocolate squirrel.
Brick Tamland: I'm Brick Tamland. People seem to like me because I am polite and I am rarely late. I like to eat ice cream and I really enjoy a nice pair of slacks. Years later, a doctor will tell me that I have an I.Q. of 48 and am what some people call mentally retarded.
Cal: I will never stop trying. Because when you find the one... you never give up.
Claire Foster: Honey, If I'm gonna get whacked off, I...
Claire Foster: What are you smiling about?
Phil Foster: No, no, we might get bumped off. We're not going to get whacked off.
Claire Foster: I think we are!
Phil Foster: [To Holbrooke] Would you please, for the love of God, PUT ON A FUCKING SHIRT?!?
Gru: We are going to pull of the TRUE crime of the century... we are going to steal the MOON!
Gru: Do you speak Spanish?
Miss Hattie: Do I look like someone who speaks Spanish?
Gru: It's just that your face is so... Como es burro.
Miss Hattie: Oh! Why, thank you!
Darla: I'm a naughty schoolgirl!
Barry: You look a little old to be a schoolgirl.
Barry: Vincent Van Gogh. Everyone said to him, "You can't be a great painter, you only have one ear." And you know what he said? "I can't hear you."
Kieran: Have you ever lived among a herd of goats, for months at a time, as one of them?
Kieran: That surprises me.
Maxwell Smart: If I were from CONTROL, you'd already be dead.
Siegfried: If you were from CONTROL, you'd already be dead.
Maxwell Smart: Neither of us is dead, so I'm obviously not from CONTROL.
Shtarker: That actually makes sense.
Maxwell Smart: Are you thinking what I'm thinking?
The Chief: I don't know. Were you thinking "Holy shit, holy shit! A swordfish almost went through my head"? Because if you are, then we're on the same page.
Agent 99: Are you staring at my butt?
Maxwell Smart: No, no, I...I was, but I'm not...I'm staring again.
Agent 99: Max has no experience, and I don't want him as my partner.
Maxwell Smart: Well, that is a sucker punch to the gonads.
Maxwell Smart: I think it's only fair to warn you, this facility is surrounded by a highly trained team of 130 black op snipers.
Siegfried: I don't believe you.
Maxwell Smart: Would you believe 2 dozen Delta Force commandos?
Maxwell Smart: How about Chuck Norris with a BB gun?
Agent 99: Did you see anything while I was dancing?
Maxwell Smart: Just once, but I don't think you expected him to lift you that high.
Siegfried: How do I know you're not Control?
Maxwell Smart: If I were Control, you'd already be dead.
Siegfried: If you were Control, you'd already be dead.
Maxwell Smart: Neither of us is dead, so I am obviously not from Control.
Shtarker: That actually makes sense.
Agent 99: Be careful, these lasers will cut off anything they touch.
Maxwell Smart: Which is why wearing boxers was a bad idea.
Dr. Feld: What about oral sex?
Kay: I wasn't...I wasn't comfortable with that.
Dr. Feld: Giving or receiving?
Michael Scott: It's simply beyond words. It's incalculacable.
Michael Scott: This is our receptionist, Pam. If you think she's cute now, you should have seen her a couple years ago.
Michael Scott: What is the single most important thing for a company? Is it the building? Is it the stock? Is it the turnover? It's the people. The *people*. My proudest moment here wasn't when I increased profits by 17%, or cut expenditure without losing a single member of staff. No, no, no, no. It was a young Guatamalan guy, first job in the country, hardly spoke a word of English, but he came to me and he went "Mr. Scott, will you be the Godfather to my child?" Wow. *Wow.* Didn't work out in the end. We had to let him go. He sucked.
Michael Scott: I guess the atmosphere that I've tried to create here is that I'm a friend first and a boss second, and probably an entertainer third.
Michael Scott: This is an environment of welcoming, and you should just get the hell outta here.
Michael Scott: Yeah, I went hunting once. Shot a deer in the leg. Had to kill it with a shovel. Took about an hour. Why do you ask?
Michael Scott: Yes. It is true. I, Michael Scott, am signing up with an online dating service. Thousands of people have done it, and I am going to do it. I need a username, and... I have a great one. "Little Kid Lover". That way people will know exactly where my priorities are at.
Michael Scott: Would I rather be feared or loved? Um... Easy, both. I want people to be afraid of how much they love me.
Michael Scott: Jim is a friend of mine, so the only people this crush really concerns is Jim and Pam. And me.
Michael Scott: Last week I would've given a kidney to anyone in this office. I would've reached right into my stomach and pulled it out for them. But now, no. I don't have the relationship with these people that I thought I did. I hope they ask, so they can hear me say, "Uh, no, I only give my organs to my real friends. Go get yourself a monkey kidney."