Seth MacFarlane (back to the S list / M list)

Peter Griffin: Brian, there's a message in my Alpha Bits. It says 'OOOOOOOO'.

Brian Griffin: Peter, those are Cheerios.

Tom Tucker: Due to an accident today at the Quahog Cable Company, all television transmissions will be out for an undetermined amount of time. Of course no one can see this news program, so it doesn't really matter what we say. I'm the Lord Jesus Christ. I think I'll go get drunk and beat up some midgets. How about you, Diane?

Diane Simmons: Well Tom, I just plain don't like black people.

[Both laugh.]

Cameraman: You guys, we're still on in Boston.

[Both stare in horror at the camera.]

Brian Griffin: If I remember correctly, this is the Physics department.

Chris Griffin: That explains all the gravity.

Peter Griffin: Gays don't vomit. They're a very clean people. And they have been ever since they came to this country from France.

Officer: Hey, I recognize you. You're that black guy I saw on TV.

Peter Griffin: Yeah, that's me.

Officer: [Into radio] We have a stolen vehicle.

Peter Griffin: This is my...

Officer: [Into radio] Subject getting beligerant.

Peter Griffin: I'm not...

Officer: [Into radio] Officer down.

Diane Simmons: Quite a situation we've got here Tom.

Tom Tucker: Quite a situation we've got here Tom indeed, Diane.

Peter: My father's been working at the plant for 60 years. That's nearly 80 years.

Chris Griffin: Stewie, do you want a sundae?

Stewie: Yes, but no sprinkles! For every sprinkle I find...I shall kill you!

Peter: Lois, can't we just tell them your mother died?

Lois: Peter, I would never lie about something like that.

Peter: All right, I'll kill your mother.

Peter: [to Lois] Yeah, you're a feminist, and I think that's adorable, but this is grown-up time, and I'M the man.