Zach Galifianakis (back to the Z list / G list)

Therman: I want you to say, "You can eat my pudding."

Alan: This is kind of nice, isn’t it? The three of us back together again?

Alan: So what are you a doctor?

Teddy: No, not yet, I'm pre med.

Alan: Ever heard of that guy Doogie Howser?

Teddy: Yeah?

Alan: Well, he turned out to be a gay.

Alan: None of you know Stu like I do. Not you. Not you. Not you. Not you. Not nobody knows Stu like I do. No one. I can't even tell you what we've been through because we made a pact, more important than blood. What I can tell you is this. This is not Stu's first marriage. There was a whore in Las Vegas a couple of years ago..."

Phil: Time's up.

Stu: Yeah I got two thirds of it - he said something about the garden of meditation.

Alan: No, he said I’m farting because of my medication.

Alan: When a monkey nibbles on a penis, it's funny in any language.

Black Doug: I always wondered why they were called roofies. 'Cause you're more likely to end up on the floor than the roof. They should call them floories.

Alan Garner: Or rapies.

Alan Garner: Tigers love pepper... they hate cinnamon.

Alan Garner: We're a wolf pack of four, wandering the desert, searching for strippers and cocaine.

Stu Price: You do know counting cards is illegal, right?

Alan Garner: Counting cards isn't illegal. It's frowned upon... like masturbating on an airplane.

Phil Wenneck: I'm pretty sure that's illegal too.

Alan Garner: Maybe since 9/11 when everyone got so damn sensitive. Thanks a lot Bin Laden!

Stu Price: Oh my God, I can't believe I gave away my grandmother's Holocaust ring to a complete stranger.

Alan Garner: I didn't even know they gave out rings during the Holocaust.

Alan Garner: It would be so cool if I could breast-feed.

Alan Garner: Hey what's that on your arm?

Stu Price: Oh my God - Phil, you were in the hospital last night.

Phil Wenneck: Yeah, I guess I was.

Alan Garner: Are you okay?

Alan Garner: No, it's a satchel... Indiana Jones has one.

Stu Price: Ew! Alan, did you just eat sofa pizza?

Alan Garner: Yes.

Alan Garner: I have a question. You probably get this a lot, but this isn't the real Caesar's Palace, is it?