Below are a few quotes involving John Cleese - click the title to view the complete list. If you think their finest moments are missing from the full list, just click "submit something" to submit something new.
Mrs Richards: And another thing. I expect to be able to see the sea.
Basil: [whispering to Manuel] Deaf, Mad and Blind. [To Mrs Richards] Yes, this is the view as far as I can remember... yes, yes it is.
Mrs Richards: When I pay for a view, I expect something more interesting than that.
Basil: But that is Torquay, madam.
Mrs Richards: Well it's not good enough.
Basil: Well may I ask what you expected to see out of a Torquay hotel bedroom window? Sydney Opera House perhaps? The Hanging Gardens of Babylon? Herds of wildebeest sweeping majestically across the plain...
Mrs Richards: [interrupting] Don't be silly. I expect to be able to see the sea.
Basil: You CAN see the sea! It's over there between the land and the sky!
Mrs Richards: I'd need a telescope to see that.
Basil: Well might I suggest you move to a hotel closer to the sea. Or preferably in it.
Mrs Richards: Now listen to me. I'm not satisified but I've decided to stay. HOWEVER, I shall expect a deduction.
Basil: Why, because Krakatoa isn't erupting at the moment?
Mrs Richards: Because the room is cold, the bath is too small, the view is invisible and the radio doesn't work.
Basil: No, the radio works. You don't.
Basil: Is something wrong?
German guest: Will you please stop talking about the war?
Basil: Me? You started it.
German guest: We did not.
Basil: Yes you did, you invaded Poland.
Basil: Don't mention the war. I mentioned it once, but I think I got away with it all right.
Basil: Did you ever see that film, "How To Murder Your Wife"?
Major Gowen: How To Murder Your Wife"?
Basil: Yes, awfully good. I saw it six times.
Basil: Hello? - Ah, yes, Mr O'Reilly, well it's perfectly simple. When I asked you to build me a wall I was rather hoping that instead of just dumping the bricks in a pile you might have found time to cement them together...you know, one on top of another, in the traditional fashion.
French Soldier: Ah don' wanna talk to you no more, you empty-headed animal food-trough wiper! I fart in your general direction! Your mother was a hamster and your father smelt of elderberries!
Sir Galahad: Well, is there someone else up there we could talk to?
French Soldier: No! Now go away or I shall taunt you a second time!