Matt LeBlanc (back to the M list / L list)

[After Joey's just drilled through a wall very close to Chandler's head, Chandler runs into the living room.]

Joey: Oh, did I get you?

Chandler: No, you didn't get me! You get me, you kill me!

Ross: I would date her, but there is a big age difference.

Joey: Well think about it - when you're 90...

Ross: I know, she'll be 80 and it won't be such a big difference.

Joey: No, that's not what I was going to say at all. What I was going to say is, when you're 90 you'll still have the memory of what it was like to be with a 20-year-old.

Monica: Hey Joey, what would you do if you were omnipotent?

Joey: Probably kill myself.

Monica: Excuse me?

Joey: Hey, if little Joey's dead then I've got no reason to live.

Ross: Joey, OM-nipotent.

Joey: You are? Oh Ross, I'm sorry.

Ross: Rach, did you proofread these?

Rachel: Uh. yeah, why?

Ross: Uh, nothing, I'm sure they'll be impressed with your excellent compuper skills.

Rachel: Oh my God. Oh, do you think it's on all of them?

Joey: Oh no. I'm sure the Xerox machine caught a few.

Ross: Do you have a minute? I'd like to talk to you about something I'm really uncomfortable talking about.

Joey: Sure. How about uh, you showering with your mom?

Ross: I actually had a topic in mind!

Joey: What are you doing?

Rachel: Well, I was thinking of moving the couch over here.

Joey: Why would you wanna do that?

Rachel: So that there would be a decent place for me to sit.

Joey: Rach, there is a decent pla...

Rachel: And your lap does not count.

Joey: [to Ross] Who would you rather sleep with, Monica or Rachel?

Ross: [Looks disgusted] Dude!

Joey: Oh, sorry, I forgot you had that whole Rachel thing.

Joey: Do you know something?

Rachel: Do you know something?

Joey: I might know something.

Rachel: I might know something too.

Joey: What's the thing you know?

Rachel: Oh no, I can't tell you until you tell me what you know.

Joey: I can't tell you what I know.

Rachel: Well then I can't tell you what I know.

Joey: Okay, fine. [Pause.] You don't know!

Rachel: All right, how about I go over there and I will walk into Chandler's bedroom and I will see that thing that I think that I know is actually the thing that I think that I know!

Joey: [gasps] YOU KNOW!!!!

Rachel Green: Oh my God, I'm Kip.

Joey Tribianni: You're not Kip.

Rachel Green: Do you even know who Kip is?

Joey Tribianni: Who cares? You're Rachel. Who's Kip?

Chandler Bing: Kip was my old roommate.

Joey Tribianni: Oh, THAT poor bastard.

Joey: You don't know what it's like to put yourself out there like that and just get shot down.

Chandler: I don't know what that's like? Up until I was 25, I thought the only response to "I love you" was "Oh, crap."

Michael: You're a hot girl. Hot girls get stuff for free.

Joey: Yeah, it's true. It's in the Constitution.

Alex: Look, I know what I am. I'm not a hot girl. I'm cute.

Michael: You're a hot girl that doesn't know she's hot. Joey was telling me about those.

Alex: No, I know hot girls. My sister is one of them.

Michael: "The even hotter sister" – one of four ways a girl doesn't realise she’s hot. Along with "went to a girls' school", "used to be fat", and "is blind."

Joey: You have learned well, young Michael.