Mike Myers (back to the M list / M list)

Fat Bastard: On top of spaghetti all covered in.. corn? I don't remember having any corn.

Dr. Evil: Well congratulations, numbnuts! You've succeeded in turning me into a frikkin' Jack in the Box!

Austin Powers: Oops. I did it again, baby.

Goldmember: I am from Holland. Isn't that vierd? Yesh!

Dr. Evil: You mean that I actually have frickin' sharks with frickin' laser beams attached to their frickin' heads?

Fat Bastard: Unfortunately, my neck does look like a vagina.

Austin Powers: What's wrong with your neck?

Nigel Powers: I took a Viagra, got stuck in me throat, I've had a stiff neck for hours.

Dr. Evil: Alright, let me find my balls, for God's sakes! 1, 2, and 3, okay. I'm okay.

Foxxy Cleopatra: You have the right to remain sexy, sugar.

Austin Powers: Oh, I hope there's a search involved.

Austin Powers: Your spy car's a Mini?

Nigel Powers: It's not the size mate, it's how you use it.

Dr. Evil: When I ask for sharks with frickin' laser beams on their heads, I expect sharks with frickin' laser beams on their heads! What do we have?

Number Two: Seabass.

Austin Powers: Who throws a shoe? You fight like a woman!

Dr. Evil: Very well, where should I begin? My father was a relentlessly self-improving boulangerie owner from Belgium with low-grade narcolepsy and a penchant for buggery. My mother was a fifteen-year-old French prostitute named Chloe with webbed feet. My father would womanize, he would drink, he would make outrageous claims, like he invented the question mark. Sometimes he would accuse chestnuts of being lazy. A sort of general malaise that only the genius possess and the insane lament. My childhood was typical; summers in Rangoon, luge lessons. In the spring we'd make meat helmets. If I was insolent, I was placed in a burlap bag and beaten with reeds. Pretty standard, really. At the age of twelve I received my first scribe. At the age of fifteen, a Zoroastrian named Vilma ritualistically shaved my testicles. There really is nothing like a shawn scrotum. At the age of eighteen, I went off to evil medical school. From there...

Dr. Evil: Throw me a frickin' bone here!

Austin Powers: Hey, there you are!

Man: Well, howdy! Do I know you?

Austin Powers: No, but that's where you are - you're there!

Austin Powers: Those are skin tight - how do you get into those pants, baby?

Felicity Shagwell: You can start by buying me a drink.

Ivana Humpalot: Do you know how we keep warm in Russia?

Austin Powers: Oh ho ho! I can guess, baby.

Ivana Humpalot: We play chess.

Austin Powers: I guessed wrong.

Dr. Evil: You're not quite evil enough. You're semi-evil. You're quasi-evil. You're the margarine of evil. You're the Diet Coke of evil. Just one calorie, not evil enough.

Dr. Evil [Deep Voice]: Austin, I am your father.

Austin: Really?

Dr. Evil: No, I can't back that up.

Austin Powers: Oh behave!

Felicity Shagwell: Not if I can help it!

Ivana Humpalot: My name is Ivana. Ivana Humpalot.

Austin Powers: Excuse me?

Ivana Humpalot: Ivana Humpalot.

Austin: And I want a solid gold toilet but it's just not in the cards now, is it?

Donkey: Hi, Princess!

Princess Fiona: It talks!

Shrek: Yeah, it's getting him to shut up that's the trick.

Shrek: Ogres are like... onions.

Donkey: They stink?

Shrek: No.

Donkey: They make you cry?

Shrek: Nooo!

Donkey: Oh, you put them out in the sun, they turn brown, start sprouting little hairs.

Shrek: Noooooooo!

Donkey: You, uh... you don't entertain much, do you?

Shrek: I like my privacy.

Donkey: Y'know, me too. That's another thing we have in common. I hate it when you've got someone in your face, you try to give someone a hint and they won't leave, and then there's that big awkward silence... [big awkward silence].

Donkey: Why don't you just tell her what you told me? You know, about how you're her true love and you came from an alternate universe.

Shrek: Oh, and while I'm at it, why don't I tell her that you're married to a fire breathing dragon and you have little mutant donkey dragon babies?

Donkey: I do?

Shrek: You saw what happened. She's going to think I'm crazy.

Donkey: I'm a daddy?

Shrek: You know, I always thought I'd rescued you from the Dragon's Keep.

Princess Fiona: You did.

Shrek: No. It was you who rescued me.

Garth: I've never seen you so mental over a girl before. Are you gonna marry her?

Wayne: Garth, marriage is punishment for shoplifting in some countries!