Adam Sandler (back to the A list / S list)

Lenny Feder: Higgy!

Marcus Higgins: Hey, what's up, Lenny? Buddy, I thought you were gonna start working out.

Lenny Feder: What does that mean?

Marcus Higgins: Um... you're fat.

Lenny Feder: No!

Lenny Feder: We needed to be here. Our kids were turning into little brats.

Shooter McGavin: I eat pieces of shit like you for breakfast.

Happy Gilmore: You eat pieces of shit for breakfast?

Chubbs: They said I would be the next Arnold Palmer.

Happy: So what happened?

Chubbs: They wouldn't let me on the pro tour anymore.

Happy: Oh I'm sorry, because you're black?

Chubbs: Hell no. Damn alligator bit my hand off!

Happy: Oh my God!

Virginia: What's this I hear about you breaking a rake and throwing it in the woods?

Happy Gilmore: What? I didn't *break* it, I was just testing its durability, and then I *placed* it in the woods because it's made of wood and I just thought he should be with his family.

Happy Gilmore: Looks like a slight hill. Whaddya think?

Otto: And a slant to the left.

Happy Gilmore: Nah, it looks that way cause you've only got one shoe on.

Grandma: How's that nice girlfriend of yours?

Happy Gilmore: Oh, she got hit by a car. She's dead.

Happy Gilmore: Hey, if I saw myself in clothes like that, I'd have to kick my own ass.

Chubbs: It's all in the hips. It's all in the hips. It's all in the hips. It's all in the hips.

Happy Gilmore: Get off of me!

Chubbs: Just easin' the tension, baby. Just easin' the tension!

Happy Gilmore: Yeah, well ease it on someone else.

Terry: All you ever talk about is becoming a pro hockey player, but there's a problem: you're not any good.

Happy Gilmore: I am good. You know what, you're a lousy kindergarten teacher. I've seen those finger-paintings you bring home and they SUCK.

Happy Gilmore: I'm stupid. You're smart. I was wrong. You were right. You're the best. I'm the worst. You're very good-looking. I'm not attractive.

Happy Gilmore: But she's an old lady. I mean, look at her. She's old. You can't just take her stuff. She's too old.

IRS Agent: I'm sorry, I have no discretion. Her stuff is now our stuff.

Michael: Can we go to McFunnigan's?

Danny: How about Chuck E. Cheese because it's right down the street from my house?

Michael: You mention that place again, and I walk.

Danny: You dropped your...

Joanna Damon: Can I sit for ten seconds without getting hit on?

Danny: I was just going to tell you you dropped your purse.

Fat Kid: Mommy! That man put his pee-pee on my face!

Danny: What? He put his face in my pee-pee!

Robbie: I don't even know your last name.

Glenn: It's Gulia.

Robbie: Gulia? Julia's name is going to be Julia Gulia. That's funny.

Glenn: Why is that funny?

Robbie: I don't know.

Robbie: Remember, alcohol equals puke equals smelly mess equals nobody likes you.