Kelsey Grammer (back to the K list / G list)

Daphne: Oh, come on now, Dr Crane. It's not like men have never used sex to get what they want.

Frasier: How can we possibly use sex to get what we want?! Sex IS what we want!

[Martin sees Frasier has a lot of cuts on his face from shaving.]

Martin: I thought you were just going to slit your wrists. Looks like you went for death by a thousand cuts.

Frasier: I cut myself shaving because I was shaving without water. Why was there no water? Because I had to move your chair, which gouged the floor, which made me call for Joe, who found bad pipes, which called for Cecil, who ate the cat that killed the rat that LIVED IN THE HOUSE THAT FRASIER BUILT!!

Frasier: You know the expression "Living well is the best revenge"?

Niles: Wonderful expression. I just don't know how true it is, you don't see it turning up in a lot of opera plots. "Ludwig, maddened by the poisoning of his entire family, wreaked vengeance on Gunther in the third act by living well."

Daphne: It makes me glad we don't have so many guns in England.

Frasier: You don't need guns, you have kidney pie.

Frasier: Roger, at Cornell University they have an incredible piece of scientific equipment known as the Tunneling Electron Microscope. Now, this microscope is so powerful that by firing electrons you can actually see images of the atom, the infinitesimally minute building blocks of our universe. Roger, if I were using that microscope right now, I still wouldn't be able to locate my interest in your problem.

Frasier: So, how do the calls look today?

Roz: Well, we've got a couple of jilted lovers, a man who's afraid of his car, a manic depressive, and three people who feel their lives are going nowhere.

Frasier: Oh, I love a Monday.

Frasier: Hello, Rachel. I'm listening.

Rachel: Oh, thanks for taking my call, Dr. Crane. Um, I'm involved in sort of a strange love triangle.

Frasier: Oh goody, this is sweeps week!

Frasier: Niles, is there a light bulb over my head?

Niles: You have an idea?

Frasier: No, I'm asking if there's actually a light bulb over my head.

Frasier: Cupid and his arrow have declared me an endangered species.

Frasier: And though washing one's hands twenty to thirty times a day would be considered obsessive/compulsive, please bear in mind that your husband is a coroner. Thank you for your call, Jeanine. Roz, whom do we have next?

Sideshow Bob: Rakes! My old arch enemy.

Bart: I thought I was your arch enemy.

Sideshow Bob: Don't flatter yourself.

Bart/Lisa: Aaaaah! Sideshow Bob!

Sideshow Bob: Please. We've known each other for so long. Call me Bob.

Bart/Lisa: Aaaaah! Bob!

Sideshow Bob: Urgh. Rakes, my arch-enemy.

Bart: I thought I was your arch-enemy.

Sideshow Bob: I have a life outside of you, Bart.