Below are a few quotes involving Leslie Nielsen - click the title to view the complete list. If you think their finest moments are missing from the full list, just click "submit something" to submit something new.
Ted Striker: Surely you can't be serious.
Rumack: I am serious, and don't call me Shirley.
Ted Striker: Surely there must be something we can do about it.
Dr. Rumack: There is something we can do about it. And please, stop calling me Shirley.
Dr. Rumack: You'd better tell the captain we've got to land as soon as we can. This woman has to be gotten to a hospital.
Elaine: A hospital? What is it?
Dr. Rumack: It's a big building with patients, but that's not important right now.
Rumack: Captain, how soon can you land?
Captain Oveur: I can't tell.
Rumack: You can tell me. I'm a doctor.
Captain Oveur: No. I mean I'm just not sure.
Rumack: Well, can't you take a guess?
Captain Oveur: Well, not for another two hours.
Rumack: You can't take a guess for another two hours?
Rumack: Elaine, you're a member of this crew. Can you face some unpleasant facts?
Elaine Dickinson: No.
Rumack: What was it we had for dinner tonight?
Elaine Dickinson: Well, we had a choice of steak or fish.
Rumack: Yes, yes, I remember, I had lasagna.
Rumack: The life of everyone on board depends upon just one thing: finding someone back there who can not only fly this plane, but who didn't have fish for dinner.
Frank: That's the red-light district. I wonder why Savage is hanging around down there.
Ed: Sex, Frank?
Frank: Uh, no, not right now, Ed. We've got work to do.
Frank: The truth hurts doesn't it, Hapsburg? Oh, sure maybe not as much as jumping on a bike with the seat missing, but it hurts!
Frank: Oh, by the way. Congratulations. I heard Edna's pregnant again.
Ed: Yeah. And when I catch the guy who did it...
Commissioner Brumford: [On phone.] Hello? He did what? How many animals escaped? Oh, my god.
Frank: Hello, Commissioner. You're looking lovely this evening.
Commissioner Brumford: Do you realize that because of you this city is being overrun by baboons?
Frank: Well, isn't that the fault of the voters?
Lt. Frank Drebin: Now, Jane, what can you tell us about the man you saw last night?
Jane Spencer: He's Caucasian.
Ed Hocken: Caucasian?
Jane Spencer: Yeah, you know, a white guy. A moustache. About six-foot-three.
Lt. Frank Drebin: Awfully big moustache.
Terence Baggett: What's that smell?
Lt. Frank Drebin: Oh, that would be me. I've been swimming in raw sewage. I love it!
Lt. Frank Drebin: I'm single! I love being single! I haven't had this much sex since I was a Boy Scout leader!
[Music stops playing. Everyone stops talking and stares at him]
Lt. Frank Drebin: I mean at the time I was dating a lot.
Lt. Frank Drebin: Looks like the cows have come home to roost.
Lt. Frank Drebin: This is Frank Drebin, Police Squad. Throw down your guns, and come on out with your hands up. Or come on out, then throw down your guns, whichever way you wanna do it. Just remember the two key elements here: one, guns to be thrown down; two, come on out!
Lt. Frank Drebin: Congratulations, Ed! I hear Edna's pregnant again.
Ed Hocken: Yeah, and when I find the guy that did it...
Frank Drebin: Like a midget at a urinal, I knew I was going to have to stay on my toes.
Frank Drebin: Like a blind man at an orgy, I was going to have to feel my way through.
Ed Hocken: We heard about you and Jane.
Frank Drebin: Jane, Jane. That name will always remind me of her.
Jane Spencer: Can I interest you in a night cap?
Frank Drebin: No, thank you, I don't wear them.
Mayor: Now, Drebin, I don't want any trouble like you had on the South Side last year. That's my policy.
Frank Drebin: Well, when I see five weirdos dressed in togas stabbing a man in the middle of the park in full view of a hundred people, I shoot the bastards. That's my policy.
Mayor: That was a Shakespeare in the Park production of Julius Caesar, you moron. You killed five actors! Good ones!
Frank: It's the same old story. Boy finds girl, boy loses girl, girl finds boy, boy forgets girl, boy remembers girl, girls dies in a tragic blimp accident over the Orange Bowl on New Year's Day.
Frank: No, the worst.
Frank: Just think; next time I shoot someone, I could be arrested.
Frank: Wilma, I promise you; whatever scum did this, not one man on this force will rest one minute until he's behind bars. Now, let's grab a bite to eat.
Jane: How about a rain check?
Frank: Well, let's just stick to dinner.