Leslie Nielsen (back to the L list / N list)

Ted Striker: Surely you can't be serious.

Rumack: I am serious, and don't call me Shirley.

Ted Striker: Surely there must be something we can do about it.

Dr. Rumack: There is something we can do about it. And please, stop calling me Shirley.

Dr. Rumack: You'd better tell the captain we've got to land as soon as we can. This woman has to be gotten to a hospital.

Elaine: A hospital? What is it?

Dr. Rumack: It's a big building with patients, but that's not important right now.

Rumack: Captain, how soon can you land?

Captain Oveur: I can't tell.

Rumack: You can tell me. I'm a doctor.

Captain Oveur: No. I mean I'm just not sure.

Rumack: Well, can't you take a guess?

Captain Oveur: Well, not for another two hours.

Rumack: You can't take a guess for another two hours?

Rumack: Elaine, you're a member of this crew. Can you face some unpleasant facts?

Elaine Dickinson: No.

Frank: That's the red-light district. I wonder why Savage is hanging around down there.

Ed: Sex, Frank?

Frank: Uh, no, not right now, Ed. We've got work to do.

Frank: The truth hurts doesn't it, Hapsburg? Oh, sure maybe not as much as jumping on a bike with the seat missing, but it hurts!

Frank: Oh, by the way. Congratulations. I heard Edna's pregnant again.

Ed: Yeah. And when I catch the guy who did it...

Commissioner Brumford: [On phone.] Hello? He did what? How many animals escaped? Oh, my god.

Frank: Hello, Commissioner. You're looking lovely this evening.

Commissioner Brumford: Do you realize that because of you this city is being overrun by baboons?

Frank: Well, isn't that the fault of the voters?

Lt. Frank Drebin: Now, Jane, what can you tell us about the man you saw last night?

Jane Spencer: He's Caucasian.

Ed Hocken: Caucasian?

Jane Spencer: Yeah, you know, a white guy. A moustache. About six-foot-three.

Lt. Frank Drebin: Awfully big moustache.

Jane Spencer: Can I interest you in a night cap?

Frank Drebin: No, thank you, I don't wear them.

Mayor: Now, Drebin, I don't want any trouble like you had on the South Side last year. That's my policy.

Frank Drebin: Well, when I see five weirdos dressed in togas stabbing a man in the middle of the park in full view of a hundred people, I shoot the bastards. That's my policy.

Mayor: That was a Shakespeare in the Park production of Julius Caesar, you moron. You killed five actors! Good ones!

Frank: It's the same old story. Boy finds girl, boy loses girl, girl finds boy, boy forgets girl, boy remembers girl, girls dies in a tragic blimp accident over the Orange Bowl on New Year's Day.

Jane: Goodyear?

Frank: No, the worst.

Frank: Just think; next time I shoot someone, I could be arrested.

Frank: Wilma, I promise you; whatever scum did this, not one man on this force will rest one minute until he's behind bars. Now, let's grab a bite to eat.