The Hangover Part 2 (2011) - 13 quotes

Alan: When a monkey nibbles on a penis, it's funny in any language.

Stu: I think I belong here. Open up a little dentist's office. Teeth cleanings with a happy ending.

Stu: Yeah I got two thirds of it - he said something about the garden of meditation.

Alan: No, he said I’m farting because of my medication.

Phil: I can't believe I'm saying this, but I'm actually jealous of you. I mean Lauren is an angel.

Doug: Yeah, she really is amazing.

Stu: Ah, you guys are sweet.

Phil: Not big breasts on her, but still a solid rack for an Asian.

Alan: None of you know Stu like I do. Not you. Not you. Not you. Not you. Not nobody knows Stu like I do. No one. I can't even tell you what we've been through because we made a pact, more important than blood. What I can tell you is this. This is not Stu's first marriage. There was a whore in Las Vegas a couple of years ago..."

Phil: Time's up.

Alan: So what are you a doctor?

Teddy: No, not yet, I'm pre med.

Alan: Ever heard of that guy Doogie Howser?

Teddy: Yeah?

Alan: Well, he turned out to be a gay.

Phil: Oh please. You wouldn’t even be with her if it wasn’t for us.

Stu: Oh, this will be good.

Phil: Stu, think about it. You ended up ditching Mellisa and two years later you meet your true soulmate. You take Vegas out of that equation and you would have married a cunt. [To the shocked patrons] Oh it's ok. No, it's ok. It's a bachelor party. Drink up everybody. Oh wait, there's no alcohol - I forgot we're at a fucking IHOP!

Doug: I get it. I really do. It's just that Alan considers you to be one of his best friends.

Stu: I consider Alan to be insane.

Phil: And her dad hates you.

Stu: He doesn't hate me. He's just never spoken to me. I think it's a cultural thing.

Phil: Stu come on, get up. We got a situation.

Stu: Where are we?

Phil: You're gonna freak out, but it's gonna be ok.

Alan: This is kind of nice, isn’t it? The three of us back together again?

Stu Price: All I wanted was a bachelor brunch.

Phil: It happened again.

Tracy: Seriously, what is wrong with you three?