Melvin: Is he dead yet?

Nora: No. Would there be any way that you would be willing to walk his dog for him?

Melvin: Absolutely.

Nora: You're a wonderful man. Two o'clock would be a good time. And here is the key in case he is asleep. Open his curtains for him, so he can see God's beautiful work, and he'll know that even things like this happen for the best.

Melvin: Where do they teach you to talk like this? In some Panama City sailor wanna hump hump bar? Or is this getaway day in your last shot at his whiskey? Sell crazy somplace else. We're all stocked up here.

Melvin: Or, if it's election night, and you're excited and you wanna celebrate because some fudgepacker you date has been elected the first queer president of the United States, and he's going to have you down to Camp David, and you want someone to share the moment with. Even then, don't knock. Not on this door. Not for any reason. Do you get me sweetheart?

Melvin: Never, never interrupt me, okay? Not if there is a fire, not even if you hear the sound of a thud from my home and one week later there's a smell coming from there that can only be a decaying human body and you have to hold a hankie to your face because the stench is so thick that you think you're going to faint. Even then, don't come knocking.

Secretary: How do you write women so well?

Melvin Udall: I think of a man, and I take away reason and accountability.

Melvin: You make me want to be a better man.