Zombieland (2009) - 20 quotes

[Columbus sprays Tallahassee with perfume.]

Tallahassee: It's ok. But FYI, I beat wholesale ass for a lot less than that.

Tallahassee: My mom always said I'd be good at something. Who would have guessed it'd be killing zombies?

Tallahassee: Time to nut up, or shut up!

Tallahassee: Wow, these fellas really let themselves go.

Columbus: And they're so fat.

Tallahassee: You're thinking about fucking Wichita. Well, I'm don't blame you, because for the past twenty-four hours, she's been fucking the both of us.

Little Rock: No! She's only famous when she's Hannah Montana! She's only famous when she's wearing the wig!

Tallahassee: You got taken hostage by a little girl?

Columbus: She was like a crouching tiger...

Tallahassee: She's twelve!

Columbus: Well, girls mature way faster than boys. She's way ahead of where I was at that age.

Little Rock: Twelve's the new twenty.

Tallahassee: Where are you, you spongy, yellow, delicious bastards?

Columbus: You see? You just can't trust anyone. The first girl I let into my life and she tries to eat me.

Little Rock: Do you have any regrets?

Bill Murray: Garfield maybe.

Columbus: In those moments where you're not quite sure if the undead are really dead, dead, don't get all stingy with your bullets. I mean, one more clean shot to the head, and this lady could have avoided becoming a human Happy Meal. Woulda... coulda... shoulda.

Columbus: When Tallahassee gets going, he sets the standard for "not to be fucked with".

Little Rock: Who's Bill Murray?

Tallahassee: ...I've never hit a kid before. I mean, that's like asking who Gandhi is.

Little Rock: Who's Gandhi?

Columbus: You know there's a place untouched by all this crap?

Tallahassee: Out east, yeah?

Columbus: Yeah.

Tallahassee: Out west, we hear it's out east, out east they hear it's out west. It's all bullshit. It's like you're a penguin at the North Pole hears the South Pole is real nice this time of year.

Columbus: There are no penguins in the North Pole.

Tallahassee: You wanna feel how hard I can punch?

Tallahassee: Sno-Balls? Sno-Balls? Where the fuck are the God damn Twinkies?

Columbus: I love Sno-Balls.

Tallahassee: I HATE coconut. Not the flavor, but the consistency.

Columbus: You're like a giant... cock blocking robot, like developed in a secret fucking government lab.

Columbus: The first rule of Zombieland: Cardio. When the zombie outbreak first hit, the first to go, for obvious reasons... were the fatties.

Columbus: Fuck this clown.

Tallahassee: I'm not great at farewells, so uh... that'll do, pig.

Columbus: That's the worst goodbye I've ever heard. And you stole it from a movie.

Tallahassee: I haven't cried like that since Titanic!