The guy at the gas station is also the guy that gets eaten by a zombie whilst on the toliet at the start of the film. See more...
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[Columbus sprays Tallahassee with perfume.]
Tallahassee: It's ok. But FYI, I beat wholesale ass for a lot less than that.
Tallahassee: My mom always said I'd be good at something. Who would have guessed it'd be killing zombies?
Tallahassee: Time to nut up, or shut up!
Tallahassee: You're thinking about fucking Wichita. Well, I'm don't blame you, because for the past twenty-four hours, she's been fucking the both of us.
Little Rock: No! She's only famous when she's Hannah Montana! She's only famous when she's wearing the wig!
Tallahassee: You got taken hostage by a little girl?
Columbus: She was like a crouching tiger...
Tallahassee: She's twelve!
Columbus: Well, girls mature way faster than boys. She's way ahead of where I was at that age.
Little Rock: Twelve's the new twenty.
Tallahassee: Where are you, you spongy, yellow, delicious bastards?
Columbus: You see? You just can't trust anyone. The first girl I let into my life and she tries to eat me.
Columbus: In those moments where you're not quite sure if the undead are really dead, dead, don't get all stingy with your bullets. I mean, one more clean shot to the head, and this lady could have avoided becoming a human Happy Meal. Woulda... coulda... shoulda.
Columbus: When Tallahassee gets going, he sets the standard for "not to be fucked with".
Little Rock: Who's Bill Murray?
Tallahassee: ...I've never hit a kid before. I mean, that's like asking who Gandhi is.
Little Rock: Who's Gandhi?
Columbus: You know there's a place untouched by all this crap?
Tallahassee: Out east, yeah?
Tallahassee: Out west, we hear it's out east, out east they hear it's out west. It's all bullshit. It's like you're a penguin at the North Pole hears the South Pole is real nice this time of year.
Columbus: There are no penguins in the North Pole.
Tallahassee: You wanna feel how hard I can punch?
Tallahassee: Sno-Balls? Sno-Balls? Where the fuck are the God damn Twinkies?
Columbus: I love Sno-Balls.
Tallahassee: I HATE coconut. Not the flavor, but the consistency.
Columbus: You're like a giant... cock blocking robot, like developed in a secret fucking government lab.
Columbus: The first rule of Zombieland: Cardio. When the zombie outbreak first hit, the first to go, for obvious reasons... were the fatties.
Columbus: Fuck this clown.
Tallahassee: I'm not great at farewells, so uh... that'll do, pig.
Columbus: That's the worst goodbye I've ever heard. And you stole it from a movie.
Tallahassee: I haven't cried like that since Titanic!