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Alex: If a guy treats you like he doesn't give a shit, it's because he doesn't give a shit.

Gigi: Girls are taught a lot of stuff growing up. If a guy punches you he likes you. Never try to trim your own bangs and someday you will meet a wonderful guy and get your very own happy ending. Every movie we see, Every story we're told implores us to wait for it, the third act twist, the unexpected declaration of love, the exception to the rule. But sometimes we're so focused on finding our happy ending we don't learn how to read the signs. How to tell from the ones who want us and the ones who don't, the ones who will stay and the ones who will leave. And maybe a happy ending doesn't include a guy, maybe... It's you, on your own, picking up the pieces and starting over, freeing yourself up for something better in the future. Maybe the happy ending is... Just... Moving on. Or maybe the happy ending is this, knowing after all the unreturned phone calls, broken-hearts, through the blunders and misread signals, through all the pain and embarrassment you never gave up hope.

Gigi: I may dissect each little thing and put myself out there so much but at least that means that I still care. Oh! You've think you won because women are expendable to you. You may not get hurt or make an ass of yourself that way but you don't fall in love that way either. You have not won. You're alone. I may do a lot of stupid shit but I'm still a lot closer to love than you are.

Neil: People who get married are not to be trusted. You know why? Because if you were legitimately happy, honestly you wouldn't feel the need to make a big show out of it. You wouldn't have to broadcast it. They do it because they're insecure and because they think that getting married is what they're supposed to be doing now. And so they're lying to themselves and they're lying to others.

Alex: If a guy doesn't call you, he doesn't want to call you.

Mary: What if you meet the love of your life, are you supposed to let them pass you by?

Mary: I had this guy leave me a voicemail at work, so I called him at home, and then he emailed me to my BlackBerry, and so I texted to his cell, and now you just have to go around checking all these different portals just to get rejected by seven different technologies. It's exhausting.

Gigi: Hey sorry to bug you again! Uh quick question.
Alex: What's going on?
Gigi: Ok I'm making out with this guy, PG stuff. But he mentions he's going out of town so he's gonna be out of touch.
Alex: Run.
Gigi: But maybe he is going out of town.
Alex: To where? New Guinea? Where's he gonna be that he's gonna be out of touch?
Gigi: Opens bathroom door - Where are you going out of town to again?
Gigi: Pittsburgh
Alex: Run.
Gigi: So what now I'm just supposed to turn from every guy who doesn't like me?
Alex: Uh. Yeah!
Gigi: There's not gonna be anybody left.

Ben: You may be the best friend I've ever had.

Gigi: How stupid is it that a girl has to wait for a guy's call anyway, right?

Angela: They just so sneaky that you think it was your idea.
Frances: Yeah. You're sitting back and you're like: "Oh, yeah. This my idea. But wait a second, why am I alone? Why am I unhappy?"
Angela: "Why have I gained 20 pounds?"
Frances: They Jedi mind-trick you.

Alex: I'm sorry I'm late.
Gigi: No, it's okay. I like a little time before a blind date; prepare myself mentally; remind myself not to tell the story about my molars.
Alex: Ah, Gigi, he's not coming. But you can tell me the story about the molars; I'd love to hear it.

Beth: I just need you to stop being nice to me unless you're gonna marry me.

Alex: I really gotta go to bed.
Gigi: Is that an invitation?
Alex: What?
Gigi: Oh god, That was cheesy.

Janine: He's totally gonna call.

Anna: You have an ass that makes me wanna dry hump!
Ben: Did you just say 'Dry hump'?
Anna: Yep.
Ben: I think I just fell in love.

Neil: I don't wanna be with anybody else, I just wanna be with Beth.

Gigi: I would rather be like that, then be like you.
Alex: Excuse me? What's that supposed to mean?
Gigi: I may dissect each little thing and put myself out there so much but at least that means that I still care. Oh! You've think you won because women are expendable to you. You may not get hurt or make an ass of yourself that way but you don't fall in love that way either. You have not won. You're alone. I may do a lot of stupid shit but I'm still a lot closer to love than you are.

Gigi: We are all programmed to believe that if a guy acts like a total jerk that means he likes you.

Gigi: A girl will never forget the first boy she ever likes.

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About 3/4 of the way through the movie, when Jennifer Aniston (Beth) was talking to Ben Affleck (Neil) she accidentally called him "BEN" instead of his character name "NEIL."

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