Liar Liar (1997) - 4 quotes
Directed by Tom Shadyac, starring Amanda Donohoe, Anne Haney, Cary Elwes, Jennifer Tilly, Jim Carrey, Justin Cooper, Maura Tierney
Homeless Drunk: Do you have any spare change mister?
Fletcher Reede: Yes, I do.
Homeless Drunk: Well, can I have some?
Fletcher Reede: No!
Homeless Drunk: Why not?
Fletcher Reede: Because I believe you will buy booze with it. I just want to get from my car to my office without being confronted by the decay of Western society. Plus, I'm cheap!
Fletcher Reede: New in the building?
Woman in elevator: Yes. I just moved in Monday.
Fletcher Reede: Oh. Do you like it so far?
Woman in elevator: Oh yes. Everyone's been real nice to me.
Fletcher Reede: Well, that's because you have big jugs.
[Both the woman and Fletcher are totally shocked at what he just said.]
Fletcher Reede: I mean your boobs are huge. I mean I want to squeeze them.
[Still aghast at what he's saying.]
Fletcher Reede: Mama.
Fletcher Reede: Your Honor, I object!
Judge Stevens: Why?
Fletcher Reede: Because it's devastating to my case!
Judge Stevens: Overruled.
Fletcher Reede: Good call!
Cop: Do you know why I pulled you over?
Fletcher Reede: It depends on how long you were following me!
Cop: Why don't we just start from the top?
Fletcher Reede: Here it goes. I sped, I followed too closely, I ran a stop sign, I almost hit a Chevy, I sped some more, I failed to yield at a crosswalk, I changed lanes at an intersection, I changed lanes without signaling while running a red light and SPEEDING!
Cop: Is that all?
Fletcher Reede: [Forced] No. I have unpaid parking tickets.