Kumar Patel: So, you like, smoke weed, then throw people in jail for smoking weed? Thats so hypocritical, dude.

George W. Bush: Do you like to give hand jobs?

Kumar Patel: Uh, no.

George W. Bush: Do you like to get hand jobs?

Kumar Patel: Well, yeah!

George W. Bush: That makes you a fuckin' hypocriticizer too!

Kumar Patel: I've never sucked a dick before. I bet it sucks dick!

Vanessa: You remember that time you stole that monkey and put it in Rosenberg's dorm room?

Kumar Patel: Had I known that the monkey had AIDS I never would have done that.

Kumar Patel: In eight hours we are going to be in Amersterdam.

Harold Lee: This is amazing.

Kumar Patel: I know dude, it's going to be exactly like Eurotrip except its not going to suck.