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Oz: All right, here's a new idea for you, Stifler, okay? You find a girl. You two become best friends. And you don't bother counting how many times you have sex with each other. You just laugh at the people that do count.

Stifler: Here's a new idea for you. I'll get you a spoon so you can eat my ass.

Michelle: Okay, I'm a hot girl. Now what do you want to do?

Jim: I want to feel your boobs.

Michelle: No, you dingbat. You don't just go groping away. You gotta pre-heat the oven before you stick in the turkey.

[Both sets of parents have walked in on Jim and Natalie having sex.]

Jim's Dad: [to Natalie's Dad] Hi, I'm Jim's Dad. You must be the parents of this young lady. I didn't get your daughter's name, but I'm pretty sure my son did.

Stifler: Jim. Can't you keep your shirt on? You're scaring the chicks away.

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